Anonymous asked this question on 5/11/2000:

I am a 48 yr old female with mild bi-polar and high anxiety disorders. Have had counseling on and off for 30 yrs., tried many, many meds (on one now) and am trying to learn to live everyday life with this illness. My question is this: I basically don't want to be here. It's stressful, I can only fake being normal for so long, and can not and will not 'confide' in my friends that I have a mental problem. I am not married at this time, so can not seclude myself with a significant other. I envision a happy marriage, a career and relief from the ever present anxiety. You name it, I've tried it, read it, practiced it and written it. I'm out of options and the stress of just everyday life is getting very, very tedious. I've felt this way for about 15 years, and nothing has changed. How much longer? How to cope? Any advice?

toys999 gave this response on 5/11/2000:

Dear Anonymous,YOU are a survivor. It is a lonely battle.You say you have tried "everything". Understand that the very nature of your illness promotes this state of mind and at times is not under your control. You have to bite the bullet so to speak, and yes, this episode,too will pass. Over the past 15 years,several very good medications to treat both bi-polar and anxiety disorders have been developed without many of the older aggravating side effects. Hope your psychiatrist is up to date. There is not a necessity to tell all to your friends,although a confidante is important. Don't give up on life. You have experienced the extreme anquish but are also capable of enjoying to the utmost those periods when life is truly sweet. Sometimes just the beauty of a normal routine day can be a gift. Hang in there.