Anonymous asked this question on 3/20/2000:

My husband's sister is constantly competing with everyone around her.Is this a mental disorder? She also suffers from depression, anxiety, bad nerves,anti-social behaviour. You hate to be around her because she is so phony, and selfish. When we got married, she got married. When her sister got pregnant for the first time she decide she would have another baby after ten years since her first one. Her sister and her baby were born a month apart. It's constant competition with her. She gets into debit trying to keep up with everyone. She has no friends because of it. Is there a name for this? And what should we do about it. We tried talking to her and her husband years ago but got nowhere. She said she didn't realized she was doing this. And she is still doing it today. She doesn't see what she doing and therefore counseling is out of the question. Her doctor just gives her drugs when she gets depressed and her nerves are bad. Her father suffered anxiety attacks and had alot of mental problems also. We are so sick of this situation we have chosen not see her unless we have to. She has just bought a house with the same main floor plan as ours and the top floor is the same as her sister's house. When she comes over now I feel she is taking notes on how our house is decorated so she can copy it. What do we do?

snowbird gave this response on 3/28/2000:

She sounds like she has problems with self esteem and needs to feel appreciated. Granted there is a need for professional help. However, like you said, if she doesn't see it, no one can help her and, if you keep bringing it up, she could react in a way that is not at all expected.

I speak from experience, because I have a sister, who was the same way with me. She became a professional counselor, but, in reality, she is a recluse, even to the point of abandoning her son. He started going to the store for her while she slept at the age of 3. He was known by everyone on the college campuses where she attended college and she never knew for sure where he was when he was not with her and she didn't care. At the age of 14, he was living in the back of their car on a beach in Texas and would only come out when school was out, because then no one knew he wasn't attending school. My parents rescued him and he lived with my brother.

When my father died 5 years ago, no one could find my sister.

I say, again, be careful of your sister in law.

If you feel I can be of further help, please feel free to contact me at anyy time.

Blessings to you and yours.

Paul

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