Anonymous asked this question on 7/12/2000:
I dated this guy for a couple of months over the course of which I lost my virginity to him. before school ( college) got out for the summer I showed up and basically asked what the deal was. He seemed to be pretty honest and basically said he wasn't ready for a serious relationship because of his ex. and that He was going to europe. After the talk I spent the night and went to leave the next morning and he was like come here.. and we kissed. Since then we haven't talked because he refuses too. I also found out that after he got back from europe.. He had sex with his ex again, which he referred to as a whore.. and is going after his professor's daughter. I don't know why I can't seem to let go .. and don't really understand why he couldn't have just said "were done" and left it at that. Instead of hanging up the phone on me, when I call to talk. On top of which I feel stupid for falling for him because he seems like such a player and that I never meant anything to him.
Tarajio gave this response on 7/12/2000:
Hello!
I can understand how you must feel. You gave something very special .. your virginity .. to this guy and he treats you badly. That doesn't say very much for him. Many guys get the sex and that is all that they are after in the first place .. and the girls feelings does not matter at all to them. When this happens, it leaves the girl with all kinds of mixed emotions and feelings within her to deal with. There are several reasons "WHY" he does not just tell you that you & he are done .. even though .. no one can actually tell what he is thinking or what is REAL reason is. In all probablity he wants to keep you available so he can come back and have sex when you whenever he wants to. When he told you that he was not ready for a serious relationship .. what he was probably really telling you that he is NOT ready for ANY relationship. Another reason .. is that he probably does like you for a friend, and does not want you to be mad. He just wants to have sex .. and go. And it sounds like he does not want any kind of confrontation. The reason he does not talk to you is because he does not want to. All people do what they want to do (if they can). If he wanted to talk to you, he could ... right??? SO .. he is not wanting to talk to you. You probably cannot let go because you gave him a very special part of you .. your virginity .. and you had to care, to do this. I am sure you feel very wounded and betrayed by him. You cannot go back in time to make everything right .. so your best interests would be to go forward with your life .. and make a promise to yourself to put this PLAYER out of your mind. We all make mistakes in our lives .. and the most important thing is to learn from them. One day you will find such a nice guy that is crazy over you .. and this other guy will only be a bad memory. Remember, that you can be (should be) the controller over this situation .. and when this guy comes around again .. tell him to hit the highway. This guy thinks he can have you anytime he wants you. Prove him wrong and put only good things in your life!! Best wishes!!