Anonymous asked this question on 7/11/2000:

My toughtest relationships have been those where I have become close to a girl across time and she holds back somewhat. That is ok --- sort of. As you might expect, something "gives" in the end and the relationship just doesn't work out. The girls seem somewhat surprised in the end that they can't "have their cake and eat it too." Those feelings that they know of being "loved," admired, and cared for so often are so wonderful because they come from someone that sees them as more than "just a friend." Why do these girls seem to think that such strong feelings from a guy really need to be aimed at a girl that can feel the same? I will admit that these relationships have tended to end on a sour note, but if I were a girl, I would not expect it to end with no one being hurt. The reason I'm writing this is that I guess I'm allowing myself to feel "guilty" that they don't end smoothly. But, that sounds like a joke to expect that if much time and effort has been put into the relationship.

Why do girls "relish" being cherished by someone unless they feel the same?

DLM4u gave this response on 7/11/2000:

Not all women have this need to be cherished by a man they do not love. I must admit though that I have had male admirers that I didn't love back and it is flattering. I, on the other hand, made it clear that I didn't return the same feelings. You shouldn't feel guilty for the relationships ending as they do, because relationships are two-way streets. They could have tried harder in the relationship or they could have bailed if they didn't feel it was working out. I think it is fabulous that you put so much into your current relationships and wish there were more men out there like that. You sound like a sensitive, caring individual, that any woman would be lucky to have. Don't change a thing. Someday your wonderful qualities will serve you well. -Dena

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 7/11/2000:

Thanks for the input ... just one follow-up.

I hear your point about wishing that more men put a greater effort into their relationships. But, I will tell you from my experience as a male, it's seems that the girls that a guy truly doesn't care deeply about are the ones that want him. If he cares deeply about the girl, she's not satisfied and wants to go elsewhere.

DLM4u gave this response on 7/11/2000:

I think that both men and women feel this way. I think the key is that both men and women want a mate that is confident in themselves. If you or she seems needy, it is a turn off to your partner. A woman wants to see that you are interested and yet that you are emotionally stable and independant. If you seem too needy, she will feel that if she was in an emotional crisis that you wouldn't be strong enough to hold her up. I am not saying that you are needy. Just that women may see an emotional and sensitive man as such, even if it is not true. Thanks for your reply. -Dena

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