liquidfemale asked this question on 7/10/2000:
OK, I am a 23 year old female. I've been dating and such since at least age 16, lost my virginity at 19 but was sexual since 16. My male friend for about a decade now told me something recently that I really want to find out if he's right about. He has been right about me in the past so I'm taking it seriously. He told me that the guys I'm attracted to are a$$holes and I only go after them because I want to be challenged. He told me this after I was complaining to him about guys I've gone out with one night (really sensitive of me huh?) I don't have any interest in my friend, he's too much like a brother, but he seems so rare. He's smart, VERY attractive and super-nice. Not very social though, he reads a lot and likes to stay at home. I don't think he is attracted to me either.
Anyhow, I am attractive and tall and probably intimidating to some guys. So I was thinking that maybe confidence and a$$holes go hand in hand. I know it must take confidence to come up and talk to me so maybe it's not that I look for a$$holes. Maybe it's that only confident guys can approach me, and they are all a$$holes. What do you think about that?
Furthermore, my friend and I went in search of a "nice guy" one day. We went to talk to the bookworms at our college and the guys who sign up for community service and stuff. And I'll tell you a lot of them are just dorks. One of them kept writing all over himself because he was fidgiting with his pen and stuff.
SO, I want to know how guys grow up to be what they are. Why do some of them grow up to be confident and competent and charming but also untrustworthy and just mean. And a lot of the guys who grow up to be sensitive to people and might be trustworthy and such are just socially inept and sometimes smell. My friend says that it's partly the fault of the way women treat men and what they expect men to fulfill for them. Like strength and such. I'll admit that has to be somewhat true, but it can't be all.
So explain guys to me please, please, please.
Oh yeah, and don't try telling me I have self esteem problems. Those a$$holes go out as fast as they came in when they start showing their true colors and I'm a pretty happy person. I just would like to find someone who is: attractive, strong, trustworthy, nice, socially adept and smart. And I'd like to know why some of these seem to conradict each other.
=)
Thanks in advance.
Angela_AdviceGirl gave this response on 7/10/2000:
I think with most men it is all in how they were raised. Being raised in a stable enviroment etc etc is what most end up wanting. Some of them turn into assholes after being hurt really bad. Just like some women. I was a bitch to men after getting hurt. Your friend might be right...Assholes are a challenge and the nice guys are just boaring to most. Men are not as hard as women think to figure out. They are the way they are for a reason. You have to really dig deep to find out why. You are probly not ready to settle down yet you are playing. When you are ready to settle and find that boaring nice guy he will not be hard to find.
liquidfemale asked this follow-up question on 7/10/2000:
Thanks for the answer
In your opinion how common is a man who is nice/trustworthy and also not an a$$hole?
Angela_AdviceGirl gave this response on 7/10/2000:
There are more out there than most think but they are men who have been hurt before and need a good woman to make them trust again. It takes alot of time and love to make a man trust again who has been hurt. But if you were to make him do all this again and hurt him again he may never recover and turn to an asshole for a very long time.
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