arsmith36 asked this question on 7/13/2000:

I am seeing a man who has a 7 year old daughter. I didn't think much of it, since I love kids, especially little girls. But his daughter is not too happy when I'm around. Also, he spoils her rotten, so when she does start pouting, he drops everything and tends to her . He admits he does spoil her, and that her behavior has been unacceptable the last time I was around. She was pouting, walking away, and being a general spoiled kid. I have a hard time with this behaviour, as I think strong parenting includes discipline and respect. So, I am not sure how to proceed with this. When it is just the 2 of us - it's great - he is so sweet, attentive, and just really great, and we have great chemistry. but I know that is not the entire package. Any advice for me? How should we as a couple proceed - we have talked about ways we can try to get through this time, and even went to the bookstore to try to find a book on it (no luck yet).

dimensionjumper gave this response on 7/13/2000:

First of all, a 7 year old, is not going to warm up to you right away. To her, you are a threat. You're not her mommy, you're the person who is getting daddy's attention. You are in a bad situation. With time, she may accept you.

It is also a bad sign, when the guy you are dating, has a different idea of parenting. We learn all our parenting skills from our own parents. You two don't need a book, you need to come to an understanding. If you decide to get married and have your own children, you two are going to have a battle on your hands.

Men are not always great communicators. Even so, talking about raising a family, should be discussed in detail. If a child is getting mixed signals from two adults, you are going to have one confused child. Try and talk to your boyfriend about what is important to you. If you encounter resistance, you have a rough road ahead. If he is willing to compromise, then you have a chance of working things out. -Hope this helps! -DJ