studly asked this question on 7/13/2000:
My girlfriend gave me a leatherbound journal to write poems in. Once, after a fight, I got so frustrated and had to vent. I wrote an angry poem about her, hitting sore spots, such as her losing her baby, not finishing school, etc. It made me feel worse, I called her that same night and we made up. However, I didn't throw it out because it was MY journal. When I moved last week, she opened it and read it when I wasn't around. She is so hurt and ashamed, she said that not even her worst enemy could say those kinds of things. I was just venting, I love her with all of my heart. She is so mad she barely talks to me. I'm afraid of losing her. I'm afraid of trying too hard to fix things. I've sent her an electronic card saying I'm sorry, I've held her hands and told her that I didn't mean that, it was just for me, but she is still giving me the cold shoulder. Any advice as to how to smooth this over? I've been with her since December, and I can't lose her over something this stupid, a poem that I wrote two months ago. Please help me, I feel so sick.
dimensionjumper gave this response on 7/13/2000:
My mother often told me, weigh you words very carefully before you speak. She was right, words hurt, and we can't take them back. It's something that takes a long time to learn, and the lessons are hard.
I hope the first thing you did, was destroy the poem. It won't hurt your jounal to be missing a page. However, if it's still in there, I would wonder why I was keeping it. Perhaps sub-consciously, you wanted to test the relationship?
Do a bit more than apologize. The real problem is not just the poem, it's the callous way you spoke of her. You took the most painful thing she experienced, and mocked her with it. She is more than angry, she lost her trust in you. Believe me, after this, she won't want to tell you any of her secrets. Sharing will never be the same. If you truly understand her pain, then you will be able to right the wrong.
Sit down and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you understand you committed an unspeakable act. Let her know what you did was more than stupid, it was thoughtless. Then, hopefully she can forgive you. -DJ