arsmith36 asked this question on 7/13/2000:

I am seeing a man who has a 7 year old daughter. I didn't think much of it, since I love kids, especially little girls. But his daughter is not too happy when I'm around. Also, he spoils her rotten, so when she does start pouting, he drops everything and tends to her . He admits he does spoil her, and that her behavior has been unacceptable the last time I was around. She was pouting, walking away, and being a general spoiled kid. I have a hard time with this behaviour, as I think strong parenting includes discipline and respect. So, I am not sure how to proceed with this. When it is just the 2 of us - it's great - he is so sweet, attentive, and just really great, and we have great chemistry. but I know that is not the entire package. Any advice for me? How should we as a couple proceed - we have talked about ways we can try to get through this time, and even went to the bookstore to try to find a book on it (no luck yet).

mhardenbrook gave this response on 7/13/2000:

I have been in this situation so I speak from experience. The bottom line is relationships come and go, but your kids are your kids forever. The old blood is thicker than water syndrome. Even though this childs behavior is affecting you and your relationship with this man, it is up to him to see that there is a problem and then he must deal with the problem and when I say deal with it, I do not mean giving in to this manipulative child just to get her to stop doing whatever it is that she is doing. If she gets what she wants by pouting or pitching a fit at this age, how much worse will she be when she gets to be a teenager? He needs to deal with this now, to continue to ignore it will cause more problems down the road then he can possibly imagine. If the childs behavior really upsets you, then leave while she is there, you are not related to her, have no responsibility to take care of her, and certainly do not have to put up with her lousy behavior and her fathers inability to control the situation. If it is this bad now and continues to go unchecked, the longer you are together, and especially if you get married, it will be worse, only then you will be the step mother who is being abused, rather than the girlfriend who is being mistreated. It really is his problem to identify and correct. If he does not do it, then stay away while the child is there.