Anonymous asked this question on 7/13/2000:

Dear Experts:

I've been casually seeing this guy 6+ months who's divorced (one year, he filed) and I'm in process of. Neither one of us is looking for a commitment, and I thought we'd make good pair cuz he wouldn't get attached.

When we first met, he said "Girls call me" (what's up with this?). My friend gave his my card and asked if he would like to take me to lunch (we had seen each other couple different times and we both seemed to dig each other). I didn't call him, but he calld 2 wks later.

Anyway, we've seen each other 1-2/month and talked on phone about every 10 says or so. HE used to initiate calls and dates in beginning, just recently I've been calling him, within last month or so.

Almost everytime we got together, he'd make "women" remarks, like new gorgeous neighbors moving in, the best "rack" he ever saw when he went to New Orleans, etc. etc. I would just let them roll off my back or answer like one of the guys. Why does he do this? I've always been light, fun when we go out and haven't been getting possessive, etc. of him.

I've called him last 3 times to maybe get together for lunch, etc. and he's been out of town or golfing. Last time I talked to him was 7/3 and told him I had day off and maybe we could do something. He said he was golfing (but it was pouring rain outside) later and he'd call if he didn't play. Well, I felt like it was an excuse. I was in neighborhood later in afternoon to visit friend and stopped by his place. Place was trashed and dishes hadn't been washed in a week and underwear (dirty) all over the place and he was just lying in bed, almost enjoying his isolation.

We chatted for 2 hrs. and I commented I didn't like his newly bleached hair (he's 34 years old!). That's when he said he's been lucky with it and has gotten couple girls with. For sake of conversation, I asked couple questions about them and he said he preferred older one cuz the sex is better. He said I was noisey, I said no, I'm just curious. I didn't know if he was being brutal cuz I offened his ego about hair remark. Mind you, he never got out of bed, except to go to the bathroom. I left and said that I didn't want to rain on your parade and call me. He just nodded.

Why do you think he's doing this? Do you think he obviously has some new distractions and therefore I'm on the backburner?

Leave him be? Or, do you think he'll call?

Any insight would be great!!!

Promise a rating.

Thanks.

MarieMc gave this response on 7/13/2000:

I say leave him be, he is sewing his oats at the moment because he just got out of his marriage, some men react to new found freedom differently than women, they go nuts, that's what he's doing, can't really blame him for it, you said you guys were casual, I do think he's being disrespectful talking about all his other women to you, and commenting on other women's bodies to you, what woman wants to hear how awesome everyone else looks? He's inconsiderate, he doesn't call, he doesn't want a relationship, nad he has no idea how to treat a lady he's dating, forget him, find someone who doesn't deliberately try to get under your skin. Best to you, Marie

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 7/13/2000:

Marie:

Is this person worthwhile to hang with as a buddy? Like to have lunch or get a beer with after work?

Or, wouldn't it matter, disrespectful is disrespectful. (Cuz I'm not sure how he views us...obviously, nothing serious I know,but as "friends" or "little more than friends".

Thanks for your replay

MarieMc gave this response on 7/13/2000:

Naah I wouldn't hang on to him even as a buddy because you're going to have to hear all about his conquests in the bedroom and oh my god how booooooring is that? It sounds like he has a huge ego, and doesn't quite realize that there are some incredibly skanky women with no morals out there who will sleep with anything, he thinks it's all about him, lol he'll learn. He doesn't sound like he would be a good friend to you. You're not really even on the same wave length, I know you say you're not, but I have the feeling that you'd like to start seeing someone who isn't seeing other women as well, and I think you deserve that. Divorce is rough, I know, makes you a bit skittish regarding relationships, I know that too, but you deserve someone to have fun with, someone who is respectful of the fact that you're in the room, and someone who cares about what you think and feel, you sound like a really nice person, so say bye to the loser and go see what else is out there, I'm not saying you have to look for another relationship but you could start as friends, then well, you know how these things sometimes progress:o) Go forth and conquer:o), Marie

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