Anonymous asked this question on 7/13/2000:
Dear Experts:
I've been casually seeing this guy 6+ months who's divorced (one year, he filed) and I'm in process of. Neither one of us is looking for a commitment, and I thought we'd make good pair cuz he wouldn't get attached.
When we first met, he said "Girls call me" (what's up with this?). My friend gave his my card and asked if he would like to take me to lunch (we had seen each other couple different times and we both seemed to dig each other). I didn't call him, but he calld 2 wks later.
Anyway, we've seen each other 1-2/month and talked on phone about every 10 says or so. HE used to initiate calls and dates in beginning, just recently I've been calling him, within last month or so.
Almost everytime we got together, he'd make "women" remarks, like new gorgeous neighbors moving in, the best "rack" he ever saw when he went to New Orleans, etc. etc. I would just let them roll off my back or answer like one of the guys. Why does he do this? I've always been light, fun when we go out and haven't been getting possessive, etc. of him.
I've called him last 3 times to maybe get together for lunch, etc. and he's been out of town or golfing. Last time I talked to him was 7/3 and told him I had day off and maybe we could do something. He said he was golfing (but it was pouring rain outside) later and he'd call if he didn't play. Well, I felt like it was an excuse. I was in neighborhood later in afternoon to visit friend and stopped by his place. Place was trashed and dishes hadn't been washed in a week and underwear (dirty) all over the place and he was just lying in bed, almost enjoying his isolation.
We chatted for 2 hrs. and I commented I didn't like his newly bleached hair (he's 34 years old!). That's when he said he's been lucky with it and has gotten couple girls with. For sake of conversation, I asked couple questions about them and he said he preferred older one cuz the sex is better. He said I was noisey, I said no, I'm just curious. I didn't know if he was being brutal cuz I offened his ego about hair remark. Mind you, he never got out of bed, except to go to the bathroom. I left and said that I didn't want to rain on your parade and call me. He just nodded.
Why do you think he's doing this? Do you think he obviously has some new distractions and therefore I'm on the backburner?
Leave him be? Or, do you think he'll call?
Any insight would be great!!!
Promise a rating.
Thanks.
Olomus gave this response on 7/13/2000:
Hi!
My opinion? He has a very low self-esteem and is trying to raise it by putting you down. You're up beat and confident. He's not so sure of himself (dying his hair is proof of that). I'd bet most of what he told was blown out of proportion - again to raise his self-esteem by lowering yours. Playing hard to get by not calling or not being available feeds his ego (makes him lonely but boosts his ego just the same), "She's crazy about me, look how she calls".
Why do guys do that? I haven't a clue.
You think he's someone you'd care to have a relationship with? Get the cards on the table. Tell him exactly what your personality is, what your likes and dislikes are. Tell him what constitutes a good time. Then tell him you're interested in having a committed relationship with him. If he's game work with it. If he's not DON'T CALL him again.
Straight and to the point, my opinion for what it's worth.
All the best! Olomus
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