Anonymous asked this question on 7/13/2000:
Dear Experts:
I've been casually seeing this guy 6+ months who's divorced (one year, he filed) and I'm in process of. Neither one of us is looking for a commitment, and I thought we'd make good pair cuz he wouldn't get attached.
When we first met, he said "Girls call me" (what's up with this?). My friend gave his my card and asked if he would like to take me to lunch (we had seen each other couple different times and we both seemed to dig each other). I didn't call him, but he calld 2 wks later.
Anyway, we've seen each other 1-2/month and talked on phone about every 10 says or so. HE used to initiate calls and dates in beginning, just recently I've been calling him, within last month or so.
Almost everytime we got together, he'd make "women" remarks, like new gorgeous neighbors moving in, the best "rack" he ever saw when he went to New Orleans, etc. etc. I would just let them roll off my back or answer like one of the guys. Why does he do this? I've always been light, fun when we go out and haven't been getting possessive, etc. of him.
I've called him last 3 times to maybe get together for lunch, etc. and he's been out of town or golfing. Last time I talked to him was 7/3 and told him I had day off and maybe we could do something. He said he was golfing (but it was pouring rain outside) later and he'd call if he didn't play. Well, I felt like it was an excuse. I was in neighborhood later in afternoon to visit friend and stopped by his place. Place was trashed and dishes hadn't been washed in a week and underwear (dirty) all over the place and he was just lying in bed, almost enjoying his isolation.
We chatted for 2 hrs. and I commented I didn't like his newly bleached hair (he's 34 years old!). That's when he said he's been lucky with it and has gotten couple girls with. For sake of conversation, I asked couple questions about them and he said he preferred older one cuz the sex is better. He said I was noisey, I said no, I'm just curious. I didn't know if he was being brutal cuz I offened his ego about hair remark. Mind you, he never got out of bed, except to go to the bathroom. I left and said that I didn't want to rain on your parade and call me. He just nodded.
Why do you think he's doing this? Do you think he obviously has some new distractions and therefore I'm on the backburner?
Leave him be? Or, do you think he'll call?
Any insight would be great!!!
Promise a rating.
Thanks.
Omega2000 gave this response on 7/13/2000:
Dear Annonymous: Your friend has some issues that has nothing to do with you.I think that he wants you to want him more than he wants you.That's the game alot of men like to play sometimes.On the other hand it could be that he is afraid that he is more attracted to you than he would like to be at this point of his life.His way of putting you off is suppose to cause you to become less interested in him. You sound like a well adjusted woman.He can't handle it right now.The man is apparently afraid of a commitment with anyone.Give him time to get over the failure of his marriage.He has some closure issues to attend to. You are where he would like to be in life,thus causing him to feel his inadequate issues. Remain his friend if you can. He needs a good friend in his life. Even if he doesn't know it. My hats off to you for being a caring independant woman of Y2K !! Good luck, Omega2000
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