Anonymous asked this question on 7/8/2000:
Me and my girlfrien have been together for about 6 months and we have a great realationship except the sex is relly not to good. I am 33 and have erectile dysfunction(I have seen a doctor who checked me out and found on of the main veins in my penis is not working correctly..so the prescribed viagra which works)I can get erections when with my lover who is 25 and has a pretty good sex drive. Our normal process for making love is her laying there me performing oral sex and the we do the missionary position and thats it. I feel like shes a lazy lover and I dont know how to tell her..Im use to alot of forplay kissing etc and when I tried to kiss her sha said she didnt like it during sex and I love it during sex...also she says I come too fast which I suppose I do compared to her last BF who she said could last for 15min and I on a good day last 3 min. If this was it it wouldnt be so bad however theres more...This last time we had sex she said the my technique was too rough I needed to go slower and not pound so hard and taht she feels that our sex drives are not syncronized meaning shes not horny when I am and I when she is. Then she tells me its ok not to worry that she knows this couple who are married and dont even have sex because the guy dosent feel worthy and that he told his wife she could see other men....but that she didnt... So while she is telling me tall this Im feeling really bad and am wondering why is she telling me this story...does she want to start having sex with another man...so thats where we stand sexually for now and Im not sure what to make of all this any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks J
star_girl gave this response on 7/13/2000:
wow! tough situation! i can't understand why your girlfriend is telling you this story, either. that threw me for a loop, so i am only imagining what it is doing to you! but at the same time, i think i can give you some advice, because my boyfriend and i went through this phase where we weren't in sync, either. about her being a lazy lover... you are correct. but i think you need to take more control. believe it or not, women occasionally like to be told what to do (in a gentle, fun manner) in bed. so next time, roll her over on top of you. or ask her to get on her hands and knees and go at it "doggystyle". or suggest a little more foreplay... start with a full body massage, or eating chocolates together in bed, champagne, or just some good, old fashioned making out. this will give both of you plenty of time to "warm up" so to speak. you will be in sync with each other, too, because you'll get horny together, and not alone and then just pounce on each other. also, let her know that her comparing you to her ex is hurtful and rude, and honestly, this may be the root of your sexual problems. if you feel inadequate or belittled, you will be less likely to want to please her rather than to just get your rocks off. honesty is the best policy when it comes to solving problems. but, my last suggestion to you is... sex toys. talk about introducing a vibrator to your sex life... that way, if you get off early, you can finish her off with that, or use it in foreplay, oral sex, etc. she will be grateful when she realizes what a sex toy can do for her, and also your relationship out of bed, too. when you both feel satisfied, you won't need to constantly bicker and compare outside of the bedroom. i hope these things can work. if you need more help or advice, get back in toiuch with me. i'm here for ya! =) love- star girl please scroll down and rate so that i know you have read my response! =)