What follows is a letter from one of the poor, opressed, suppressed, downtrodden, and just generally shat-upon kind and generous souls from the Chruch of Scientology [Hah!] to the father of a young man who was a part of the cult. The father didn't want to pay for his son's services within the church, read on and see the depth of compassion and understanding with which the sweet and long suffering Reverend of the Church responded:
Rather than let my lawyers have all the fun, I will write to you this once and straighten you out. I have a great urge to beggar you to your last pair of socks, but I will curb the desire a little longer. If you had the gut of a demented swineherd you would have read those pieces of literature I so graciously had sent to you... do not judge people by yourself. Not everyone is a mass murderer like yourself. Yes, I know quite a bit about you and your various projects during the war. And how do you sleep at night? I hope tis ill... I am expert at harassment, try me and find out. You are not strong enough. You are not smart enough. You haven't the funds to go through long lengthy court battles. We have. Bigger men than you have done their best to stop us. They failed. So will you because you are a blatant moron in comparison. We joust only with our peers, others like you we will simply gobble up... one more word out of you and I'll have you investigated. I might anyway. I have never seen one person yet that resisted Scientology who didn't have a great deal to hide. And you evidently won't look at free books sent to you, so you must, perforce have a great deal to conceal.
[The letter continued with more accusations of guilt on the part of the father, along with praise of Scientology and concluded on this ominous note.]
If you want to start a Donnybrook, Buddy, wail away; to use the argot of the streets I'll just start my people to work on you and then before long you will be broke, and out of a job and broken in health. Then I can have my nasty little chuckle about you and get back to work. . . You won't take long to finish off. I would estimate three weeks. Remember: I am not a mealy mouthed psalm [sic] canting preacher. I am a minister of the Church of Scientology I am able to heal the sick and I do. But I have other abilities which include a knowledge of men's minds that I will use to crush you to your knees. You or any other wretch that stands in our way. Cause the list is long, but their careers are very short of those that have jousted with us.
With the utmost sincerity possible
Reverend Andrew Bagley Organisational Secretary
P.S.: Don't reply to this letter. If I want to get in touch with you, I'll be able to find you. Anywhere.