Quality Time

The text below was found on a card written by a Phoenix therapist, Ed Ford. The card itself states that these may be gotten "free of charge to give to others", so I'm going to save on Mr. Ford's printing charges and snailmail expenses for me and type up the synopsis here. I share this here because it's helpful information for those who may be confused about relationships in these times of changing social roles. Students of history may note that the ways of making a relationship have not changed -- this synopsis provides information that happily married couples have ALWAYS known -- even though many come here to tell us how "feminism" has somehow changed romance.
By Edward E. Ford, M.S.W.

Willingness to spend quality time every day alone with another no matter how your partner behaves and without trying to control the other person.


1. Do activities that promote awareness of each other and create pleasure through mutual effort.

such as:                     not:
playing games                watching TV
exercising together          going to movies
working around the house     just being together
making things                taking a drive
dancing                      listening to music
taking a walk                watching others
2. Do your quality time activities alone together, not with others.

3. Do your activities on a regular basis

-- in weak relationships, short time intervals, daily

-- in healthy relationships, at least a half hour per day, five to six days a week.

To guarantee a close intimacy, you both must be totally committed to spending quality time alone together on a regular basis. To make sure quality time becomes a habit, each person must keep a daily written record for at least two months of what is done and the time spent doing each activity.


-- eating together
-- talking together
-- having sex

These activities do not create strong relationships, they can only enhance a love that already exists.


-- talking about negative past
-- criticism
-- asking why when it leads to an excuse
-- telling others what they're doing or saying is wrong
-- serious individual problems

Copyright 1989 by Edward E. Ford

Comment by Donna. -- some of y'all may have gotten tired of the way I go on and on about my own life with the love of my life. Thought I'd letcha all in on the tidbit that, although we don't practice these bits of wisdom on any kind of a regular basis, the sections on "Love" and "Quality Time" make for a darned good description of what goes on around here. With one exception, though. We'd disagree about "talking together" not creating strong relationships, but then the two of us are both highly cerebral and highly verbal individuals; for us "talking together" could fall into the category of "playing games" without props (we engage in high-level wordplay and solve mental challenges together) and "making things" . . . and possibly even "exercising together". {grin}

I notice that the items on his "not" list under QUALITY TIME all fall into the =general= category of "passively marking time", and my guess is that it's the passively marking time component he's warning against. My other guess is that most of the folks who hang out in this echo don't do much "passive marking of time", even when we're watching movies or taking a drive.

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