Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:

I'm seven months pregnant and my boyfriend physically abuses me. he always thinks I'm cheating on him and he get very angry and won't isten to what I have to say and thats when the hitting begins,I want to leave but i think I have already given up. What can i do what do you suggest?

CAVEWOMAN gave this response on 5/10/2000:

oh man do i feel for you. so deep into a relationship with this pregnancy and your boyfreind is hitting you while your pregnant. that really hurts to hear your question.

from the top you already know what to do. that is to leave. you know it. no one has to tell you. you know it is better for you and it will be better for the baby too.

but no one in this world can make you do what they want. so i'll try to guide you to your first step ok????? hope you hear me ok? i'm a friend who has been in your shoes.

when it was happening to me, i really thought once i was pregnant he wouldn't hit me. it's a fantasy, he always will.

i thought once i had the baby he wouldn't hit me, again that was false.

i thought holding the baby he wouldn't hit me, wrong, he sent me to the emergency room.

there's just no stopping. you can't fix other peoples problems. it's a control issue here. when he feels he isn't 100% in control of you, bam he will knock you around until you start speaking right and start actiing right, basically it's get right.

so wow, take a breathe ok? your goal is to get the "two" of you into counseling. it's either therapy or the emergency department. take your pick, see once he hits you, he knows he can do it again.

let me tell you something, i am running out of room, trying to get my thoughts out, see abuse in any way comes from a "learned behavior" ok? he has learned this is how it is. but it hurts, love isn't supposed to hurt, honesty and trust equal intimacy. right now you are not in an intimate relationship, you are in the other end, control and power. this is not intimacy. to get to intimacy you two need to stop, try to find a low-cost conseling place, ask him that this means everything to you, please let's go and let it all begin to come out so the healing between you two as a couple can begin and the efforts from both of you to have this family can actually happen. but it takes two not you alone. the burden is hard.

i am in now way saying lower yourself to stop the violence, i am saying can you try to get things calm at home, then "calmly" speak of counseling? if he won't go, girl you are going to have to reach deep in you and pull out the strongest parts because you don't deserve to be pushed and hit and scolded and treated unloved by someone who says they love you. you and your baby deserve the father of this child. i beg you to try to geting into family counseling. and please be patient and supportive of what comes out.

i want to tell you to get the hell out now, but what your doing right now is causing him his anger, you can get things better but it takes counseling on both parts! try it first ok? but if you get no where, you need to leave, for the safety of you and your child. think about his childhood. what happened to him.

i was shocked to learn about my childs father. it is all a learned behavior, he needs to re-learn love.

let me know, debbie