pbrooks asked this question on 5/10/2000:

I am a nineteen year-old college student and in my time living at home, I experienced many instances of abuse and aggression. Granted, I wasn't the easiest child to handle, but I was still very scarred by my parents use of violence as a means to control or discipline me. My parents are intelligent, successful and for the most part, extremely compasionate, but I still resent them for their actions. As I grew older I began to become violent and turned my rage towards them. I have since been to hundreds upon hundreds of hours of therapy, but I still don't feel like I have made much progress in handling it all. I have two questions regarding this subject: 1) Do you think that abuse is necessary in raising a child? (Please explain); 2) Does my tendency towards violent behavior put me at a high risk to absue my loved ones (wife, children) in the future? I would really like to know what you think.

karunap gave this response on 5/10/2000:

1) Abuse has no place in raising a child. While parents do it out of ignorance and out of their own pain, it is still totally and completely inappropriate. No child deserves that kind of treatment.

2) Yes your tendency towards violent behavior puts you at high risk to abuse those you love.

I wonder what kind of therapy you have tried. It is my experience that people can work through their childhood rage no matter how severe the abuse. You can't do it in talk therapy however. You need therapy processes that include bioenergetic energy release of rage and terror, active processes to work through old traumas, regression work to create new childhood memories thereby filling in developmental gaps, contracts to create healthy behaviors in the here and now and accountability processes for when you break those contracts. In other words, you need therapy that is very active and structuring, not someone who just listens, medicates or talks.

Let me know if you live in the seattle area.

Feel free to ask more questions.