Anonymous asked this question on 5/5/2000:

I HAVE BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED FOR THE LAST WEEK. LAST FRIDAY MY HUSBAND BEAT ME UP, I HAD HIM ARRESTED AND MADE THEM KEEP HIM IN JAIL ALL WEEK END. THREE HOURS LATER CPS CAME AND REMOVED MY CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY SAY MY HOUSE WAS TO DIRTY. MY HUSBAND IS IN ANOTHER STATE RIGHT NOW AND HE HAS TO COME FOR HIS PUNISHMENT: HE IS FACING SIX MONTHS IN JAIL RIGHT NOW. HE IS GOING TO BE GOING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNSELING BECAUSE HE IS COURT ORDERED FROM THE JUVENILE COURT BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE WANTS TO FIND OUT WHY AND CHANGE THAT BEHAVIOR. HE REALLY WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK. WE WILL BE SEPERATED FOR AWHILE BUT WE DO PLAN ON GETTING BACK TOGETHER. MY DEPRESSION COMES FROM TWO THINGS. ONE MY HUSBAND ASSUALTING ME WHERE HE GAVE ME A BLACK EYE AND SWOLLEN JAWS. THE SECOND IS THE MATTER OF MY CHILDREN. I FEEL THAT NOT ONLY DID HE ABUSE ME BUT SO HAS THE STATE. ON MONDAY I HAVE TO GO TO MEDIATION WHERE I WILL ADMIT TO THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE JUST SO I CAN GET MY KIDS BACK SOON. I WAS SUICIDAL BUT I AM DOING BETTER NOW. I STILL GET REALLY DEPRESSED WHEN THE NIGHT TIME HITS. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR ME. NOT ONE PERSON EXCEPT MY HUSBAND ASKED ME HOW I AM HOLDING UP SINCE THIS ENTIRE THING STARTED. MY CHILDREN ARE IN A TEMP. SHELTER RIGHT NOW AND MY 13 YEAR OLD SAYS EVERY DAY SHE WANTS TO GO HOME. SHE EVEN HAD HER FRIEND CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT SHE IS SORRY AND SHE WANTS TO COME HOME. I ALSO HAVE A 3 YEAR OLD AND 14 MONTH OLD. I HAVE TOLD THESE PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE SERIOUSLY HARMING MY 13 YEAR OLD CHILD THE MOST BUT THEY SEEM NOT TO CARE. I WENT TO THE MALL TO WATCH HER PERFORM IN HER CONCERT AND ONE OF THE WORKERS MADE A STATEMENT SAYING YOU HAVE SUPERVISED VISITS AND I TOLD HER IT WAS NOT A VISIT IT WAS A CONCERT AND I TOLD TWO WORKERS AND NEITHER ONE SAID I COULD NOT GO. SO I WENT!! I ALSO BOUGHT HER LUNCH -:) MY HOUSE WAD DIRTY AND IM NOT A THREAT TO MY THREE CHILDREN SO I AM SO UPSET AND DEPRESSED. I WILL NOT SEE MY CHILDREN ON MOTHERS DAY. I WILL BE HERE ALONE. THAT WILL CAUSE SIGNIFICANT DEPRESSION. I NEED HELP AND NOBODY IN THIS SCREWED UP STATE SEEMS TO GIVE A DAMD ABOUT ME AND WHAT IM GOING THROUGH. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO HERE FROM SOME OF THE EXPERTS AS TO WHY A STATE SHOULD HAVE SO MUCH POWER WITH SOMEONES CHILDREN AND WHY IM STILL LIVING. I THINK MY HUSBAND TALKING TO ME AND MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN THE ONLY REASON WHY IM STILL ALIVE TO ASK THESE QUESTIONS.

Phoenixguy2000 gave this response on 5/6/2000:

Boy, you really do have some problems going on here. I wish I could help you, but ther is far too much going on here to try to advise you from this site. Let me just make a few comments that might ease your mind about some things. As far as your husband goes, realize that being court-ordered into Domestic Violence or Anger Management Counseling does not mean that he is going to change. He is complying with a court order. He has to WANT to change and commit to extensive therapy, even after he is released, and commit himself to WORKING on these problems. He must be willing to do this before you go back with him. If he cannot do this, you need to extract yourself from this relationship. Please don't think that CPS is trying to abuse you. They want to do what is best for both you and your children. Think about what could happen if your husband vented his rage on the children. When he gets out of control, anything can happen. Also, it sounds like you are suffereing from a clinical, as opposed to a situational depression. If you have felt suicidal, and are that seriously depressed, how much care can you actually give your children right now? You are having a hard time just trying to care for yourself right now. I am very sure that you love your children so much, and I believe that you truly want to be a good mother to them, but really, right now is not the time. When you meet with CPS workers, you might suggest that they try to place them with a relative temporarily, until you can take care of you, and work on some of your problems. I'm sure they will look into this option, as well. You say you cannot get any help in your state. If there is a behavioral urgent care center in your area, go there. They ar required by law to see you, and assess your condition, and they will make referrals to where you can get the help you need. They MUST do this if you are feeling suicidal. there are many medications available today that can assist you in overcoming your depression. And, there is no cost for this service. I urge you to do that right away. If this option is not available, go to your local emergency room, and tell them what you have stated here. And, once you get your own thoughts back on track, and are more focussed, you will be ready once again to deal with your children. I have at times, had to employ CPS in situations I have dealt with in my own counseling experiences. Believe me, this is not an option I choose lightly. You see, the children are the ones caught in the middle. Let CPS do their job for now, and I assure you, things will work out. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Don't give up, things may look dismal now, but I can promise you that things can, and will get better.

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 5/8/2000:

Thanks for your advise. I actually am doing better than I was. I first want to say that my husband will not be returning home anytime soon. The reason I was severelt depressed was because the state has my babies in a shelter. He is in another state so he does not pose ANY threat to them at all. There also is a no contact order until June 9th which is his sentencing date. The judge that o.r.ed him does not know he is out of state. The juvenile court judge does know he left the state. If I would have went to the psych unit all CPS would have done was went into court and told the judge that I was way to unstable to be a mother. That is how they work out here. They have not asked me how I am doing. My 13 year old daughter Desirae is going to need some serious therapy to feel secure that she won`t be taken away again!! Everyday I talk to her on the phone and she wants to come home. I told her to talk to her worker. She thought she was going to the mediation with me and I had to tell her no she was not going to be there. She got very angery. She is a good kid and I am afraid that she is going to start having bad behaviors as a result of this. My three year old son Tre Von calls these people Mother F******~s. They asked me if I allow him to talk like this, I refused to answer them. I refused to answer any of their questions because they will go into court and twist my words so they can keep the kids longer. everyday they have mu kids the more money they get. I am not stupid even by a little bit. To make matters worse I am a Criminal Justice major AND my goal in life was to be a juvenile probation officer. Wwhat am I going to do now? Most likely be on welfare forever. Since I am disabled from my panic disorder I could be on welfare until my kids are 18. Then what? Im the victim here but the rest of my life is going to be ruined because of this. Its not fair at all. Thabks for listening.

Phoenixguy2000 gave this response on 5/8/2000:

I am glad to hear that your husband is not returning anytime soon. I think this is wise, for both you and your children. Try not to worry so about your children, and rest assured that they are being well taken care of. I highly doubt they will need therapy from this experience when they return home. Children are much more adaptable to change than we adults are. I still think it is very important that you get the psychiatric help that you need. You should not need hospitalization for depression as this is quite treatable on an outpatient basis as long as you are not experiencing suicidal ideations. There are medications available that can help stabilize your mood. You must make a real effort ot try and care for yourself. So, you need to follow through on this. Also, try to stop thinking such negative thoughts. Remember, if you think negative thoughts, you bring negative things into your life. Try to look at the positive things, and good things will happen to you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all of your problems disappear, but I can't. You have to take some control to effect the changes you want to occur in your life. Believe in yourself. You are so right, some things in life are unfair, but, then again, no one ever promised you that life WOULD be fair. Think about these things....

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