Anonymous asked this question on 5/5/2000:
I HAVE BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED FOR THE LAST WEEK. LAST FRIDAY MY HUSBAND BEAT ME UP, I HAD HIM ARRESTED AND MADE THEM KEEP HIM IN JAIL ALL WEEK END. THREE HOURS LATER CPS CAME AND REMOVED MY CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY SAY MY HOUSE WAS TO DIRTY. MY HUSBAND IS IN ANOTHER STATE RIGHT NOW AND HE HAS TO COME FOR HIS PUNISHMENT: HE IS FACING SIX MONTHS IN JAIL RIGHT NOW. HE IS GOING TO BE GOING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNSELING BECAUSE HE IS COURT ORDERED FROM THE JUVENILE COURT BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE WANTS TO FIND OUT WHY AND CHANGE THAT BEHAVIOR. HE REALLY WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK. WE WILL BE SEPERATED FOR AWHILE BUT WE DO PLAN ON GETTING BACK TOGETHER. MY DEPRESSION COMES FROM TWO THINGS. ONE MY HUSBAND ASSUALTING ME WHERE HE GAVE ME A BLACK EYE AND SWOLLEN JAWS. THE SECOND IS THE MATTER OF MY CHILDREN. I FEEL THAT NOT ONLY DID HE ABUSE ME BUT SO HAS THE STATE. ON MONDAY I HAVE TO GO TO MEDIATION WHERE I WILL ADMIT TO THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE JUST SO I CAN GET MY KIDS BACK SOON. I WAS SUICIDAL BUT I AM DOING BETTER NOW. I STILL GET REALLY DEPRESSED WHEN THE NIGHT TIME HITS. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR ME. NOT ONE PERSON EXCEPT MY HUSBAND ASKED ME HOW I AM HOLDING UP SINCE THIS ENTIRE THING STARTED. MY CHILDREN ARE IN A TEMP. SHELTER RIGHT NOW AND MY 13 YEAR OLD SAYS EVERY DAY SHE WANTS TO GO HOME. SHE EVEN HAD HER FRIEND CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT SHE IS SORRY AND SHE WANTS TO COME HOME. I ALSO HAVE A 3 YEAR OLD AND 14 MONTH OLD. I HAVE TOLD THESE PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE SERIOUSLY HARMING MY 13 YEAR OLD CHILD THE MOST BUT THEY SEEM NOT TO CARE. I WENT TO THE MALL TO WATCH HER PERFORM IN HER CONCERT AND ONE OF THE WORKERS MADE A STATEMENT SAYING YOU HAVE SUPERVISED VISITS AND I TOLD HER IT WAS NOT A VISIT IT WAS A CONCERT AND I TOLD TWO WORKERS AND NEITHER ONE SAID I COULD NOT GO. SO I WENT!! I ALSO BOUGHT HER LUNCH -:) MY HOUSE WAD DIRTY AND IM NOT A THREAT TO MY THREE CHILDREN SO I AM SO UPSET AND DEPRESSED. I WILL NOT SEE MY CHILDREN ON MOTHERS DAY. I WILL BE HERE ALONE. THAT WILL CAUSE SIGNIFICANT DEPRESSION. I NEED HELP AND NOBODY IN THIS SCREWED UP STATE SEEMS TO GIVE A DAMD ABOUT ME AND WHAT IM GOING THROUGH. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO HERE FROM SOME OF THE EXPERTS AS TO WHY A STATE SHOULD HAVE SO MUCH POWER WITH SOMEONES CHILDREN AND WHY IM STILL LIVING. I THINK MY HUSBAND TALKING TO ME AND MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN THE ONLY REASON WHY IM STILL ALIVE TO ASK THESE QUESTIONS.
earthmother gave this response on 5/5/2000:
I don't know what state you are in, but I dont think it really matters - that is how they operate here too. The best (and only) thing you can do right now for your children is to be strong. It seems like things happen to us that are more than we can bear, but we have to keep going. That is what builds strength and character. Your children are in the hands of an evil power now, you have to be there for them in any way possible until this mess gets sorted out. Take a deep breath, because this will probably take months. You will need to play the systems game as well as you can. Educate yourself about the laws having to do with these matters. Get the best lawyer you can find. Clean your house-- in other words, do whatever it takes to make you feel like you are doing something constructive towards getting your kids back. As for your husband, I assume the State would be very happy for you not to associate with him any more, and could possibly make that a requirement for getting the kids back. Keep in mind that this will pass eventually, but in the meantime it will be hell. Unfortunately, once you got the system involved, you lost all your power. The legal system in regards to child protective services, is crap. You will not get "justice", so don't expect any. Please learn from this experience, and come out the other end a smarter, stronger person. Do not under any circumstances put up with abuse from your husband--that will only make you feel worse. I hope that he can get straightened out, but don't expect it. When you finally get thru this you may find that he wasn't worth it.
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 5/6/2000:
Im in Utah of all places to be!!! I am seriously think about filing for divorce for the fact that he called last night and thought I went out so he said my dad makes at least 50,000 a year and so does my mom and I will get the kids. I told him I don`t care if they make 1,000,000 a year your mother is an alcoholic and his "father is not his biological father" plus the fact that he plead guilty for a second time to simple assualt on me. I already told him I will not keep the children from him but at the same time I will decide when he can in the best interest of the child. He even said if we do end up getting a divorce I want to be your friend and I told him I cannot be his friend. After all this man has put me through what would I look like being friends with him? He left the state of Utah after we went to the shelter hearing which to DCFS says he does not care nore desrve to see his kids. I have an appointment(intake) at the domestic violence shelter for support groups as well as on the 10th more DV support stuff at Mental health. I have a theapist also. It just pisses me off that he got to leave and left me holding the bag. Not one time has anyone asked me if I am o.k. whick if im not o.k. then my children also will not be o.k.
earthmother gave this response on 5/6/2000:
It sounds like things havent quieted down any as far as your husband goes. Of course he says he still wants to be your friend. He will most likely say anything he thinks you want to hear, especially if he thinks he is having an effect (good or bad) on you. You do not need his garbage right now, you have plenty of your own. You have to show the "state" that you are a fit parent, and continuing to fight with him does not look good. It sounds like you are doing the right things to help get things straightened out. Of course he left you holding the bag, that's how creeps handle it when the going gets too tough. I was left holding the bag once too. I would ask if you are ok, but it doesn't sound like you are. However, I can assure you that things WILL get better. You are at the bottom now so there is no where to go but up. Keep your anger in check, that will only cause you more problems. Try to focus on the immediate goal, which is to get your life in order and get your kids back. Keep the faith.
The average rating for this answer is 4.8.
Anonymous rated this answer a 5.
Thanks for the advice and I am feeling a little better. I talk to the children every night on the phone shen they cal. For ten minutes per day!!