Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:

I have a boyfriend who very rarely will pinch, hit and hurt me for no reason. i dont get bruised or anything though. i think he thinks that i want to wrestle or sumptin, but when i wrestle i dont hurt others that much. but after he does this he will kiss what he hurt better. he also sometimes calls me names for no reason. is this abuse?? if it is what can i do?? i dont want to leave him becasue i think i know why hes like this, his father used to hit his mother and him. and ive been with him for a very long time. what can i do to make him stop?? please help

CAVEWOMAN gave this response on 5/5/2000:

i am a professional on the receiving end of physical abuse and read your question 6 times to try and get your feelings on when this happens. it is hard to understand your feelings and there is no excuse. do not protect any abusive person. no matter how cute you think it is.

let me start with what i have learned over 15 years of this stuff. try thinking of this. if you believe you love him and he loves you then obviously you two are in a very deep intimate relationship. if i could draw a box i would put the word control to the top left, power to the top right ok. on the bottom on the box in the left hand corner i would write the word honesty and on the right corner bottom i would write the word trust. now circle the word honesty and trust and stare at it for awhile. that is intimacy. being able to say babe you know i know when you kicked me last night you probably were playing around but you know what babe i want you to stop getting physical with me in that way because it bothers me.

knowing already that he won't belittle you because you have intimacy in your relationship, he and you find a funner way to wrestle ok?

debbie

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