Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:

I have a boyfriend who very rarely will pinch, hit and hurt me for no reason. i dont get bruised or anything though. i think he thinks that i want to wrestle or sumptin, but when i wrestle i dont hurt others that much. but after he does this he will kiss what he hurt better. he also sometimes calls me names for no reason. is this abuse?? if it is what can i do?? i dont want to leave him becasue i think i know why hes like this, his father used to hit his mother and him. and ive been with him for a very long time. what can i do to make him stop?? please help

morgank gave this response on 5/3/2000:

Hi sweetie.

Your boyfriend is pinching, hitting and calling you names very much for a reason. Just no reason that has anything to do with you other than the fact that you are there. And it is abuse, even if it's "rarely" and that he "kisses it better".

You are right that his upbringing has a lot to do with how he treats you.

Does he ever talk about how he feels about his father and what went on when he was growing up? This is a really important issue in his life - he just may not be aware of it.

If you really do want to stay with him, the first step is to get him talking - about his father, about your relationship, about how he feels about himself. You should try and start with some couple counseling, since you both have issues to work on and he may feel less defensive if you are both going together.

Things are not going to change overnight; it may be a very long and painful road you are about to travel on. Get the support you need to take care of yourself, no matter what.

The bottom line is that abuse without treatment usually progresses. If you make a more serious commitment to each other - maybe get married and have kids - and this issue has not been treated, then the cycle continues.

Start here: http://www.ncadv.org/ - the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

You are not alone!

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