Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:

I have a boyfriend who very rarely will pinch, hit and hurt me for no reason. i dont get bruised or anything though. i think he thinks that i want to wrestle or sumptin, but when i wrestle i dont hurt others that much. but after he does this he will kiss what he hurt better. he also sometimes calls me names for no reason. is this abuse?? if it is what can i do?? i dont want to leave him becasue i think i know why hes like this, his father used to hit his mother and him. and ive been with him for a very long time. what can i do to make him stop?? please help

whoozhe gave this response on 5/3/2000:

You use the word "rarely" There is no rarely when it comes to any form of physical abuse. Pinching, slapping or punching, even if in jest, is an early sign that things may get worse. An abuser is a controller. A person who wants to control others. A controller will use any means to gain and keep control of another be it physically or mentally. Most controllers/abusers start suttlely. You need to set your boundaries now and make sure that he is well aware of them. Make him aware that you will not tolerate any actions made against you that you have not given persmission for. A good relationship should be one based on love, understanding, caring and above all respect. You have been given a "red flag" warning of what the future may be with this person. Take heed.

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