Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:

I'm seven months pregnant and my boyfriend physically abuses me. he always thinks I'm cheating on him and he get very angry and won't isten to what I have to say and thats when the hitting begins,I want to leave but i think I have already given up. What can i do what do you suggest?

1uglyhombre gave this response on 5/2/2000:

Hi. Please note that I am not a trained conselor.

You are describing a classic case of domestic violence. You need to think long and hard about your situation, and reconsider your belief that you have "given up." Where there is life there is hope.

I always avoid telling women what they "should have done" and what they "should do" because that is for them to decide. It is not for me to say they should not stay in such a "relationship." Please keep that in mind when I write the following:

Domestic violence nearly always gets worse, not better, without intervention. There ARE alternatives for you. You may be staying out of a sense of loyalty or fear. That is understandable, and with the human condition it is even "reasonable." But I for one think your life is very, very precious--- as is all human life. It is therefore distressing to me when I see people stay in violent "relationships" when life is so short.

Please call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and ask them what your alternatives are. Please, please, PLEASE!

Your boyfriend's accusations of your "cheating on his" is just an excuse for him to self-justify his abuse. I've seen this so many times when other women talk to me, that I consider it a classic symptom of male neurosies or even pathology.

PLEASE call the hotline. Or look in your phone book for a domestic abuse hotline nearest you.

1uglyhombre gave this follow-up answer on 5/2/2000:

I was not going to add the following in my original answer, but I later felt I was doing you a disservice.

Some men grow more violent to a woman as her pregnancy progresses. The closer to birth, the greater the violence in both force and frequency. This is NOT ALWAYS THE CASE, but it is some times the case. For the sake of your yet to be born child, please call the hotline. I'm begging you here. PLEASE call. Call 1-800-799-7233 away from your residence and where your violent "partner" cannot hear.

The second thing I will add is the greatest threat to a woman's life is when she leaves a violent "relationship" I was not going to mention this because it might disuade you for making the best decision. However, I felt I owe it to you to mention the fact because you have the right to know.

Please, for God's sake, your sake, and your yet-born child's sake, talk to a Domestic Abuse counselor ask ask her what your options are. 1-800-799-7233

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