Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:

I have a boyfriend who very rarely will pinch, hit and hurt me for no reason. i dont get bruised or anything though. i think he thinks that i want to wrestle or sumptin, but when i wrestle i dont hurt others that much. but after he does this he will kiss what he hurt better. he also sometimes calls me names for no reason. is this abuse?? if it is what can i do?? i dont want to leave him becasue i think i know why hes like this, his father used to hit his mother and him. and ive been with him for a very long time. what can i do to make him stop?? please help

1uglyhombre gave this response on 5/2/2000:

Hi. Please note I am not a trained counselor, but I know about violence.

What you are describing is the "kindling state" of Domestic Violence. It starts out with very minor abuse (physical and emotional), and it increases. Please be aware of the fact that if your boyfriend hits you once, HE WILL DO IT AGAIN regardless of his protestations of love and apology. I have yet to see that pattern NOT occur.

In my opinion, domestic violence is a family tradition. If your boyfriend's father was violent, the chances are much better that your boyfriend will be compared to if his father was not violent.

Please, please, PLEASE call the national domestic abuse hotline and ask them for some advice! The phone number is 1-800-799-7233

If that number does not work, PLEASE look in your telephone book's front pages for the hotline in the town or city you live in.

There is NO EXCUSE for your boyfriend's behavior. It must not be tolerated. There are a vast number of other boys and men who will treat you properly and with respect. Physical and emotional abuse must not be tolerated even at the start, because it just gets worse.

Please call the hotline.

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