Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:

I have a boyfriend who very rarely will pinch, hit and hurt me for no reason. i dont get bruised or anything though. i think he thinks that i want to wrestle or sumptin, but when i wrestle i dont hurt others that much. but after he does this he will kiss what he hurt better. he also sometimes calls me names for no reason. is this abuse?? if it is what can i do?? i dont want to leave him becasue i think i know why hes like this, his father used to hit his mother and him. and ive been with him for a very long time. what can i do to make him stop?? please help

nunjabiz gave this response on 5/1/2000:

TO ANSWER YOU QUESTION, YES THIS IS ABUSE. ABUSE TAKES ALL KINDS OF FORMS. IN THIS SITUATION YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, AND MENTAL ABUSE. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THE ABUSE. BY YOU JUSTIFYING THIS, IT DOESNT MAKE IT BETTER. JUST BECAUSE HIS FATHER HIT HIS MOTHER AND HIMSELF DOESNT MEAN ITS RIGHT FOR HIM TO DO IT TO ANOTHER PERSON. VIOLENCE IS A LEARNED BEHAVIOR, WHICH CAN BE UNLEARNED. UNFORTANATELY, HE CANT CHANGE ON HIS OWN. USUALLY THEY DONT THINK THEY HAVE A PROBLEM. HE MUST GET HELP TO DEAL WITH THIS. I UNDERSTAND YOUR DESIRE TO STAY WITH HIM, BUT THE VIOLENCE WILL ONLY GET WORSE. YOU CAN TALK TO ANY VICTIM OR SURVIVOR WHO WILL CONFIRM THIS INFORMATION. I KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. THESE "LITTLE" THINGS ARE JUST THE STARTING POINT. IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU KNOW YOU DONT DESERVE SUCH TREATMENT. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND THAT THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WILL LOVE YOU AND RESPECT YOU WITHOUT THE HURT. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK AND IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE QUESTIONS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND ME ONE. i DEAL WITH MEN LIKE THIS ON A DAILY BASIS. I RUN A BATTERERS TREATMENT PROGRAM, SO I KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT AND WHAT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS ALL ABOUT.

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