Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:

I have a boyfriend who very rarely will pinch, hit and hurt me for no reason. i dont get bruised or anything though. i think he thinks that i want to wrestle or sumptin, but when i wrestle i dont hurt others that much. but after he does this he will kiss what he hurt better. he also sometimes calls me names for no reason. is this abuse?? if it is what can i do?? i dont want to leave him becasue i think i know why hes like this, his father used to hit his mother and him. and ive been with him for a very long time. what can i do to make him stop?? please help

tcsmpsi gave this response on 5/2/2000:

Good Morning

IF it hurts you, it is abuse. Whether it is physical or emotional. From what little you have said of it, it is obvious that this hurts you.

You can not 'make' him stop. You say that you have been with him for a 'very long time'. Has he always done this? A 'very long time' leaves me with the impression that he is a grown man. If that is so, regardless of how he was raised, he makes his own decisions now. You will never be able to counsel him. That would have to be done by an 'outside' presence. Have you talked to him about this and about how you do not like it and that you feel hurt by it? If so, what was his response? The potential does exist for escalated abuse. I would suggest that you contact your nearest women's shelter and speak candidly with someone there. I am sure they will offer out of shelter services as well. Talk to them candidly. Let them know your feelings and his actions and responses to you.

If you need more information, please contact me. Sincerely, Michael (tcsmpsi)

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