FabFeminist asked this question on 5/1/2000:

Hi,

I have always heard that a woman is in more danger when she leaves than she ever was. Is this true? If so, in what way? I would think getting away would be the best thing she could ever do. Thanks in advance for your time.

Dariana gave this response on 5/1/2000:

Unfortunately, this is very true. On the average, most abusers are extremely controlling, possessive, and most times have isolated their victim's from friends and family. When a woman decides to live and in many cases HAS left, the abuser is threatened by his sudden loss of "power" over the victim. He now must deal with the fact that not only is the relationship over, but so is his control over the victim.

Here is one example that I know of personally. Pamela Hall was my very best friend. In 1998, she remarried her former husband because of financial woes and they shared a child together. Abuse had caused the first divorce. They married in Feb 1998 and 3 weeks later, she came to me seeking a divorce. He was already battering her again and now in front of their son. God only knows why, but she stayed in the marriage until July, finally putting him out. (It was her house). We filed her divorce and it was final the first week in Sept. He began stalking her immediately. Pamela decided to move home to her parents and was planning to tell her ex when he came to pick up his son on Sept. 12, 1998. She had to tell him, because her entire house was packed and she would be moved when he returned their son on Sunday. So, he was explosive, called her names, and left. Pamela called a friend about 7:15 pm and that is the last person we know that talked to her. Later in the evening, her ex returned and there was a terrible fight between them. In the end, Pam was stabbed, beaten, and literally kicked all over her body. Michael Hall was arrested and charged.

Michael had shown signs of mental imbalance throughout their 4 years together but refused to see treatment. He probably could have handled the divorce IF he could have had access to agitate her. He knew he had lost total control if she moved to her parents. So, he ended her life. As horrid as this may sound, this is very much something that is happening more and more.

Here are 2 of my own websites for further information on this topic including Pam's entire story.

Battered Women Remembered http://www.geocities.com/PicketFence/6801

The Murder of Pamela Bounds-Hall http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/8593

The average rating for this answer is 5.

FabFeminist rated this answer a 5.

This was excellent in the way of offering a personal story to show reasoning and the addition of URL's for further info.