Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:

I have a boyfriend who very rarely will pinch, hit and hurt me for no reason. i dont get bruised or anything though. i think he thinks that i want to wrestle or sumptin, but when i wrestle i dont hurt others that much. but after he does this he will kiss what he hurt better. he also sometimes calls me names for no reason. is this abuse?? if it is what can i do?? i dont want to leave him becasue i think i know why hes like this, his father used to hit his mother and him. and ive been with him for a very long time. what can i do to make him stop?? please help

wwnelsonfive11 gave this response on 5/1/2000:

Anonymous:

When you say, "...hit me..." do you mean hard or do you mean not so hard. And where does he hit you?

Let me answer your question by saying that physical abuse is anything physical that he does to you that you don't want! Yes, pinching and that sort are abusive and need to be stopped. That fact that you are asking the question indicates to me that this goes beyond love taps and just playing around.

When young guys play around with each other there is often light punching, wrestling and that sort. At times the guy just doesn't how to relate to his female companion and does this same thing.

And, then, sometimes it is simply a prelude to more serious physical abuse. He may be slowly testing to see what he can get away with.

In either case he needs to be sent a clear message that this is unexceptable for you. He most likely isn't going to stop unless you make it clear to him that you don't like it. And, let him know that wrestling is something he can do with his male friends, not with you.

And, again, I don't know what type of names he's calling you, but you don't like them and therefore, you need to make that clear as well.

If he responds, or shows a willingness to discuss it, ok. But, let him know what the boundries are. If he tries to test the boundries, remind him again!

However, if he doesn't respond and continues, I would strongly suggest serious counseling. If the abuse continues or worsens, I would stongly suggest that you get out. There are abuse hot-lines and clinics that will help you.

I would really like to hear more from you. If you would like, please give me more specifics so that I might be able to be of more help for you. This is an area that I counsel in and I would like to be of help.

Thanks,

William

The average rating for this answer is 5.