Anonymous asked this question on 4/29/2000:

I am interested in ways to control my anger that actually work. I am not violent , but I do scream alot. I have 3 children 5yr/ boy 3yr/girl and 1 1/2 yr / boy. I was emotionally, physically and sexually abused by my mother and step father. Various street drugs were givin to me by them also. All this went on from age 6 to 11. Now I am 28yrs old and have a great husband and children and I don't want this to affect them in any way. I don't call them names or use profanity but my voice tends to get very loud. I tried to go to counceling but the therapist wanted to video tape it and made me very nervous refering to the necessity of reporting me if she felt she should. Gosh, I heard a woman lost her kids for slapping the childs hand!!! Anyway any advice you could give me would be appriciated.

StandingBare gave this response on 5/1/2000:

First of of all I do believe that working with a trained therapist is best. However not all therapist are good therapist. In selecting a therapist ask some questions, like how much experience do you have in this area, what is your approach etc. The most important question "have you done your own work in therapy? If they say no run for the door, because no one can do this work without having worked out their own issues first -- we all have them. Most therapist do not video tape either.

Secondly, your anger is a symptom of all your unhealed rage form your childhood abuse. Until you heal these hurts, handling your rage is very difficult. Yelling is abusive, especially to children, so you need to get this in check. I would like to send you a workbook that I am just finishing that will help explain the process. However I strongly recommend you work through this anger with the help of a professional.

If you want to send me further information privately you can . To tell you how to work though this here would take a book. There are alot of good books out there. Check the self help sections of your local book store to see which one fits your needs. Good luck and remember you can heal.

The average rating for this answer is 5.

Anonymous rated this answer a 5.