huey_vivian asked this question on 4/13/2000:

okay he's my question i left my boyfiend for two weeks stright and then one day me and my friend was in the his car the friends car and he was crying and saying that he would never hit me angain then he left me but he did not want anybody elese he wanted just me in his life but i went back to him the third time around what should i do should i learn to trust him and think things will be okay this time or what?????????????

missbeenthere gave this response on 4/30/2000:

maybe you should ask yourself why you want to got to all the trouble of having to learn to trust some one who has already shown you he can't be trusted, then take a good long look at this person who claims to care about you , and ask yourself if this is the way you want some one to express there love for you? some how i think you will find that it is not , men who are abusive seldom if ever change , no matter how many times he says he 's sorry there will always be another reason to hit or control you later on down the road , and most of the time the abuse becomes more frequent as the abuser learns that no matter what he does , you will always take him back, he may even go all out and bring you flowers and gifts to show you how sorry he is but don't be fooled or bribed it is just another form of control, when that measure no longer works then terror tactics are the next logical step for this very illogical person they will threaten or harm family members , property and even your pets if they think it will work for them, and always there will be the honeymoon period of good behavior , that actually is only leading up to another explosion, this too will become shorter and shorter the longer you stay , it is best to get out of these relationships, the moment you realize that this is a very controlling person , befor the violence starts, but in your case since it has already started I ask you to be very careful and get out quickly , most citeis have a domestic violence hotline number listed in the phonebook, pleas call the nearest one to you and seek out some advice from a proffesional counselor, to hopefully prevent you from finding yourself in another situation like this again , I work in a womens shelter and believe me you are not alone , but you do not have continue to live like this , most of our clients go on to find very happy normal relationships, because after all it's not you thats crazy or at fault, you just made a bad choice , that is something you can change good luck

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