Anonymous asked this question on 4/2/2000:

What is going on in my boyfriend's head? On one side, he is very sweet and expressive and tells me he loves me constantly. Then, is explosive, controlling, verbally abusive. For example, spend two days with him and everythings great, then, when he comes to my house to show me answers to my questions on my computer, takes over without letting me show him what I've been doing possibly wrong, so he can explain it the correct way. Suddenly says, "shut the f*** up! Gets angry before I know what's going on, grabs my glasses on my face, bends them and pulls them off my face. He hits me twice, on the chest, but not hard enough to hurt me. He has gotten mad and explodes all the time but always calms down. I tell him he needs medication, and counseling but he rejects that notion. His mother was very controlling he says and his father very gentle. I believe that. There is no excuse the way he behaves. When this happens, I won't see him for a while and he always gets me to come back to him by telling me he over reacted and loves me. I want to tell him I don't won't him to call me again until he has gotten counseling for a year and knows he was abusive and has learned to conrol his temper. Other that this terrible side of him he is a great person. He is 59 years old. I tell him he will grow old alone because he won't change. Is there a good book out there to read that gives a person insight into abusive behavior? I need to move on because I deserve better. I need to know if therapy changes people like this permanently if they choose and what is the success rate?

missbeenthere gave this response on 4/30/2000:

it seems to me that you are already aware that you dont deserve this kind of treatment , so we wont address that issue , however , you are still maintaing contact with him which gives him the impression that you do not mean what you say , you say you want to help him and maybe maintain a relationship if he gets counseling, but i believe you are still putting to much emphises on what he needs and not what you need, do you really need to waist a year of your life waiting to see if someone can change and then get to know this new person if indeed he is ,all over again , seldom do these men change even tho there is help out there for them , they usually do not respond to it , but if you must know many domestic violence organizations do offer a batterers program , however it would not be in your best interest to hang out while he trys it out , there are many good men , if that is what you want and many choices that life offers up to you besides that , happiness lies within you no one can make you happy but you , they can only enhance or destroy what you already feel , it is up to you to choose, but remember to think of yourself first , and what you need and want in a relationship, i think you already know , that what you have now is just not gonna do it for you , good luck , good life miss been there

The average rating for this answer is 4.