Sagirl2005 asked this question on 4/27/2000:

I was absused by my ex boyfriend. He would hit,punch,kick me and throw me down stairs. He would tell me things like I dont have anyone but him,and that without him Im no one. For a while I believed this, but I realized that I didnt need him or his abuse. I was also raped by an ex. I was 16 he was 26. I said no,but he pressed harder against me forcing me to cry and rither in pain.I broke up with him two weeks later. We stopped talking for a while,then we hung out one day. It happened again. I'm am scared of being in a relationship,I scared of being touched,kissed,held,because when I think of that it reminds me of him. Can someone please help me?If so please e-mail me Sagirl2005@aol.com

Patti_Ja gave this response on 4/28/2000:

I was raped as a child and again as a 17 year old...I tried for years to get over it on my own...it did not work...I was suicidal...after all how could anyone love this piece of damaged goods...I became my worst nightmare and began to use drugs, alcohol and people...after all did I not have the right to hurt others the way that I had been hurt? Then I found out that therapy was what I needed...I was so poor that I could not see how to do this...but I found people who were in the field that would take me for free...people did not know much how to councile incest victims and I became kinda a pilot project for some in the therapy field...I did not care...I was driven to get better...no matter what the cost...I was so scared going into therapy and I can remember the first question I ever heard...What do you want out of this...I told them that I wanted them to take my memories away...they told me that they could not do this...I became really angry and shouted...Then give me June Cleaver for a mother!...never said that I was not a drama queen...anyway over 20 years later I am not in intensive therapy...but when I need it I have laid the groundwork for doing short term therapy to help with crisis management...yes I still have rough times and sometimes I choose the wrong type of male...but today I recognize my feeling of uncomfortability sooner and am able to get out faster...let's face it...all of us attract a certain amount of creeps...it is the ability to recognize and leave it alone that I am working towards...I am not in a partnered relationship...I decided to become educated and raise a special needs child...sometimes people equate life's filled with loving life partners as being the apex of human development...I do not know what I think about that...mainly I guess I am open to it...just more careful than I used to be...my education helped me to understand what the therapist's were trying to accomplish with me...and that has made a great deal of difference...please do not become a prisoner to your fears of intimacy and of brutality to stop becomming who you are...I would say that you have at least three things in your favor...You survived...You are brave....You have a good head on your sholdiers...How do I know these things...#1 is obvious...#2 It takes a brave soul to actually ask for help and #3 I read the way the question was worded...Honey you have a career in Social Work awaiting you...we need more like you (and me) so that differences can be made in treatment for those of us who have endured

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