Relationship Violence

Subject: Relationship Violence
Answered By: DoveWingsT
Asked By: Anonymous

Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:

Is it ever o.k. to have someone hit you? I know it is a stupid question but it's like I know certain things are going to piss my boyfriend off but sometimes I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want. I know that if I talk back or cuss at him that he might slap me in my mouth but sometimes I still do it.Does that make since? And the other stupid part is have the time I find myself saying sorry for him hitting me. I'm not stupid, actully I'm a straigt A college student. I even tell myself that I'm not going to do anything to piss him off but sometimes I still do. Don't tell me to get away from him, because I love him and I feel lonely without him but I just want him to treat me better. I want him to stop yelling at me, I don't like being scared of my boyfriend and I hate that almost everyone knows that he has hit me before. But I do not want to loss him. I don't think he would ever hurt me hurt me. Maybe scare me leave a couple of marks but not kill me. I know it sounds stupid but I really do believe it's true. They say you can't change those who don't want to be changed so what can I do to make it right?

DoveWingsT gave this response on 4/27/2000:

I HAVE TO AGREE WITH KARENOFST THAT THE HUNNY MOON PERIOD CAN BE ADDICTIVE TO SOME:The Honeymoon. Both the victim and the abuser welcome the arrival of the Honeymoon. It's marked by loving apologies from the abuser, coupled with promises that he will never, never do that again.. He sends flowers and gifts; he begs for forgiveness; he becomes again the charming man with whom she fell in love.

Also, the abuser often convinces himself during the Honeymoon that he has taught the victim a lesson and that she will never again engage in the behavior that made him so angry.

The Honeymoon is a period of calm. The tension is gone. During the Honeymoon, both the abuser and the victim tend to believe that the violence will never happen again. It is the Honeymoon that keeps victims coming back - that makes them victims.

The average rating for this answer is 3.