Anonymous asked this question on 4/2/2000:

What is going on in my boyfriend's head? On one side, he is very sweet and expressive and tells me he loves me constantly. Then, is explosive, controlling, verbally abusive. For example, spend two days with him and everythings great, then, when he comes to my house to show me answers to my questions on my computer, takes over without letting me show him what I've been doing possibly wrong, so he can explain it the correct way. Suddenly says, "shut the f*** up! Gets angry before I know what's going on, grabs my glasses on my face, bends them and pulls them off my face. He hits me twice, on the chest, but not hard enough to hurt me. He has gotten mad and explodes all the time but always calms down. I tell him he needs medication, and counseling but he rejects that notion. His mother was very controlling he says and his father very gentle. I believe that. There is no excuse the way he behaves. When this happens, I won't see him for a while and he always gets me to come back to him by telling me he over reacted and loves me. I want to tell him I don't won't him to call me again until he has gotten counseling for a year and knows he was abusive and has learned to conrol his temper. Other that this terrible side of him he is a great person. He is 59 years old. I tell him he will grow old alone because he won't change. Is there a good book out there to read that gives a person insight into abusive behavior? I need to move on because I deserve better. I need to know if therapy changes people like this permanently if they choose and what is the success rate?

DoveWingsT gave this response on 4/27/2000:

YOU have the RIGHT to be YOU. YOU have the RIGHT to put YOURSELF first. YOU have the RIGHT to be SAFE. YOU have the RIGHT to LOVE and be LOVED. YOU have the RIGHT to be TREATED with RESPECT. YOU have the RIGHT to be HUMAN ---- not PERFECT. YOU have the RIGHT to be ANGRY and PROTEST if you are treated UNFAIRLY or ABUSIVELY by anyone. YOU have the RIGHT to your own PRIVACY. YOU have the RIGHT to have your own OPINIONS, to EXPRESS them, and to be taken SERIOUSLY. YOU have the RIGHT to EARN and CONTROL your OWN money. YOU have the RIGHT to ASK QUESTIONS about ANYTHING that affects YOUR LIFE. YOU have the RIGHT to make DECISIONS that affect YOU. YOU have the RIGHT to GROW and CHANGE, and this includes changing your MIND. YOU have the RIGHT to say NO. YOU have the RIGHT to MAKE MISTAKES. YOU have the RIGHT NOT to be RESPONSIBLE for other adults' problems. YOU have the RIGHT not to be LIKED by everyone YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.

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