Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:
Is it ever o.k. to have someone hit you? I know it is a stupid question but it's like I know certain things are going to piss my boyfriend off but sometimes I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want. I know that if I talk back or cuss at him that he might slap me in my mouth but sometimes I still do it.Does that make since? And the other stupid part is have the time I find myself saying sorry for him hitting me. I'm not stupid, actully I'm a straigt A college student. I even tell myself that I'm not going to do anything to piss him off but sometimes I still do. Don't tell me to get away from him, because I love him and I feel lonely without him but I just want him to treat me better. I want him to stop yelling at me, I don't like being scared of my boyfriend and I hate that almost everyone knows that he has hit me before. But I do not want to loss him. I don't think he would ever hurt me hurt me. Maybe scare me leave a couple of marks but not kill me. I know it sounds stupid but I really do believe it's true. They say you can't change those who don't want to be changed so what can I do to make it right?
missbeenthere gave this response on 4/27/2000:
ok, lets take first things first.. violence is never ok under any circumstances, you are never to blame for the actions of another individual, it is not something you have done to him that makes him hit you it is rather a, a need to control and intimadate you. It is not a form of love and it is not something you deserve, and i am sure if you look closely you will find that he is controlling you in many other subtle ways.
the first thing you need to do is make a plan to leave this relationship befor this gets any worse as i guarentee you it will, find a safe place such as a shelter , put away some money and tell no one of your plans. leave when he leasts expects you to do it such as during the honemoon period , when all is going well, this will give you a jump on things.
make sure the first thing you do is get a personal protection order served on him , and have absolutley no contact with him , no matter what happens , do not talk to his friends or family and , keep contact with only your most trusted associats, being very careful who you tell once you have made your move, i have been where you are at and i currently work in a womens shelter and also for a mental health organization, please heed this advise.
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