Anonymous asked this question on 4/26/2000:

Two months ago, my first boyfriend was hit by a train and killed (we don't know if it was suicide or not). My question is complicated. He hit me during our relationship and verbally abused me, as well. He threatened to kill himself if I ever left and two years afterward this "accident" occured. I have problems dealing with it as I feel partially to blame-if I only got him help, etc. Should I feel so guilty? His mother told me he never really got over me and never had a real girlfriend after me. Obviously I feel like it's my fault. It's probably ridiculous to feel this way but my question is:

How do I get over this and learn to deal with it?

Patti_Ja gave this response on 4/27/2000:

Although I do not read the other answere's in this catagory I believe that you will probably get answeres simular to mine...The deal here is that your boyfriend could have just as easily have had you in the car with him when the "accident" occurred...his death, his life, his mistakes, his achievements, his mental/emotional health had nothing to do with you...there are things which you may take responsibility for...one of them is your emotional/mental health...and I for one vote for grief counseling and resolution...Even in the best of relationships when death occurres there is an amount of survivors guilt that people encounter...please for your sake...talk to someone who can help you sort out what you are truely feeling in this situation

The average rating for this answer is 4.

Anonymous rated this answer a 4.