Anonymous asked this question on 4/26/2000:

Two months ago, my first boyfriend was hit by a train and killed (we don't know if it was suicide or not). My question is complicated. He hit me during our relationship and verbally abused me, as well. He threatened to kill himself if I ever left and two years afterward this "accident" occured. I have problems dealing with it as I feel partially to blame-if I only got him help, etc. Should I feel so guilty? His mother told me he never really got over me and never had a real girlfriend after me. Obviously I feel like it's my fault. It's probably ridiculous to feel this way but my question is:

How do I get over this and learn to deal with it?

debbie34 gave this response on 4/27/2000:

Hello Friend,

No my dear you should not be feeling guilty at all!! Its been 2 years!

Let me ask you this, durning the 2 year that you too were split up did you feel guilty then for leaving him? Did you try and get him help? Did he keep coming bacck to you wanting to get back together? Its sounds to me that you were able to move on with your life after the split up.

It sounded like to me that after you 2 broke up.... you cut all ties with him, because you didnt know much about his personal life. And his mother is the one that told you after he died he didnt have many after you because he "really never got over you" I think MOM needs to have someone to blame other then her son! And because there was no one else really close to him you were the scape goat.

I would think of his death as a friend that has died, its ok to feel bad that he died. But as far as blaming your self, NO WAY!!

You have a good head on your shoulders there, dont let someone else tell you any diffrent! you survied a abusive relationship! Dont look back now and wonder WHAT IF !!!! GOOD LUCK YOU YOU :-) AND PLEASE DONT LET HIS DEATH BEAT YOU UP LIKE HE DID WHEN YOU 2 WERE TOGETHER!!!!!!!!

The average rating for this answer is 4.

Anonymous rated this answer a 4.

thank you!