Anonymous asked this question on 4/26/2000:

Two months ago, my first boyfriend was hit by a train and killed (we don't know if it was suicide or not). My question is complicated. He hit me during our relationship and verbally abused me, as well. He threatened to kill himself if I ever left and two years afterward this "accident" occured. I have problems dealing with it as I feel partially to blame-if I only got him help, etc. Should I feel so guilty? His mother told me he never really got over me and never had a real girlfriend after me. Obviously I feel like it's my fault. It's probably ridiculous to feel this way but my question is:

How do I get over this and learn to deal with it?

the_listener gave this response on 4/26/2000:

You can't feel guilty because of your ex's death, whether suicide or not. You left the relationship because you had to. You were protecting yourself. Abusers often use threats such as "i'll kill myself if you ever leave". Many abusers have deep psychological issues that are the reason they have to control. And that is what abuse is about...is controlling the victim and the power they have over them through the mental and physical abuse. Your ex may have had more problems that you were unaware of and there was a two year gap between your breakup and his death. One who commits suicide commits it because they are unhappy or have a problem, etc. The point is, it is that person who has a problem or source of unhappiness...Also, was your ex under the influence (i.e. alcohol, drugs, etc.) when the accident happened? It could have affected his actions. Find peace with yourself. This was not your fault.

The average rating for this answer is 5.

Anonymous rated this answer a 5.

thank you!