tamm asked this question on 4/18/2000:

i need to know if it is possable for a mother to get her child back after ten years ....... the stateof ohio took my child away ten years ago.. at that time i was on drugs andwas in a really bad relationship.... when the state took my child they took him from a man i was with. i was in jail at the time and did not even know till i got out. the child wefare people let me see him once and told me i had to comlate a veiw requierment for me to get him back.. the frist one was to get clean...i did that. the second was to get a stable home for us to live i did that. the thrid was to complete parenting classes. and i did that.i also had a legal aid laywer that was surpose to be working on my side..... i did all that they asked and then they sent me a letter in the mail telling me i had to come to ohio to go to court.. i could not go i did not make that kind of moneyi told the laywer that i only had enough money to come and get my son if i won.... she said that she would go in my place and that it would be alright. i had all the proof that i did what they asked i sent them all to the laywer.. 2 weeks passed and no word from the legal aid laywer.. i finaily got in touch with her and she said i lost and that was tat... the courts did not even ask if a famaily member would take him... i have no idea if he has been adopted of if he is still in farster care after all these years.. i know that if he has been adopted that it is not a good idea to try to get him. my question is .... can they really do that to a person.... i mean they did it to me. but is it legal?????????

cpiblues gave this response on 4/22/2000:

You've stated many factors that complicate this answer and I will try to make it as simplified as I can. There are many questions that I would ask first and that is how much contact have you had with your son during this entire time period - including - specifically: while you were working on your "tasks" (parenting, drug abuse, stable housing). What kind of drugs were you on? For the circumstances to have gone as far as they have I am led to assume that it is crack or something highly addictive. What efforts besides parenting, getting yourself some drug abuse help, and finding stable housing have you done? Did you maintain at least telephone contact with your son - or letters? It is not "easy" to terminate a parent's rights. If you were not in town at some point and had not maintained contact with your "worker" then they could have filed for termination of your rights -in the best interest of the child (a legal term with strong parental consequences). In that case they would likely have "published" (mailed letters to your previously known addresses, checked with the light and gas company, telephone, etc.) and if these were returned they could support to the Judge that they had completed a proper "diligent search" and been given relief from looking for you further. Given that you received a letter at the "last" hearing it seems unlikely that you would not have received something further in the mail indicating the termination or reason why. When I deal with parents who are out of state for one reason or another we have had them testify by telephone if that is the only means possible. I do not know if Ohio does this or not. Your attorney should be able to tell you what the status of your child is - as should whoever your worker - or the supervisor is. At this point it would likely be the attorney who could give you the most answers. If you were robbed of your rights for some reason or another only an attorney would know after examining your case. My last question to you would be how old was your son when he was taken? If 10 years have now passed that makes him at least 10. If he has not been adopted and you are truly ready to be an appropriate provider for your son then I suggest you act immediately before more time passes and destroys your son. If there is an open adoption I would suggest finding out more information in order that you can give the child pictures or see him again. Either way - don't do this if you are not ready to make a commitment to your child that is lasting- he has suffered enough already.

tamm asked this follow-up question on 4/24/2000:

SIR, My son was one when they took him from me. i had received pictures of him for a few months after that i had one contact visit with him the day i left clevland ohio to get myself clean...there were no letters or phone calls the laywer had said that was not aloud..yes you are right it was crack that i was on. i am not sure if they did all of that kind of search to look for me.. they laywer knew where i was from the time i left cleveland. we were in phone contact at least twice a week. she knew where i was the whole time.. yes there was other contact from the courts and a worker . the worker was the one who told me about the three things i had to do to get him back. the letter i received was the letter of termination and the reason was ,, they said i was unfit... my son will be 11 in nov. i have a wonderful husband and three step children that live with us. i have only been married almost a year.. it will be a year in may... i am no longer on drugs i dont drink or have wild partys. i have been clean for only 5 years. when i got the termination papers i was clean for two years after the papers came i went back on crack. in the last months of 95 i moved to virginia, and i have been clean since. i really want my son to know me and his grandparents and if he is in foster care i would like to show the courts that i am a fit and loving mother. can you help me? or can you tell me the things i need to do to get started? thank you for your time, mrs tammyjo mcbride-Arroyo.

cpiblues gave this response on 4/24/2000:

I think that your best bet for beginning this process is to locate family members that may still live in the area and may know something. Ask if they have had any contact with your son...when the last time they had contact with your son was. Find out if the natural father's rights were also terminated. You need to probably see someone from legal aid again unless you can afford a private attorney. Many private attorney's will give you an initial consultation free and from there you can see where you stand and what the odds are given your situation. An attorney really needs to be able to go over the situation with you and see in person those documents that you have. Call the social services dept. that you dealt with before and ask to speak with a supervisor. Explain briefly your situation and state that you want to know where your son is. They will tell you something one way or another that will give you some direction...such as the child has been adopted and we cannot give you any further information...or you have to speak with our legal dept. or whatever. What is really critical in your situation is not necessarily whether or not you have your act together now but whether your rights were actually terminated...whether it was an open adoption (thus possibly allowing you some contact with him) whether your rights were legally enforcably terminated. I find it hard to believe - based on what you've told me that your rights were terminated - except for the fact that you have been apart for an extremely long time which would tend to mandate that they provide some form of stability for your child. The sooner you find out the greater your peace of mind will be. Good luck to you and your son.

cpiblues gave this follow-up answer on 4/24/2000:

I also wanted to add a final note...crack usage is taken very seriously with social services. Crack is a highly addictive drug and I've found that few people can find there way out of their addiction. It is sad. I've met people who willingly gave their children away rather than their drugs. Social services recognizes the power this particular drug has over parents and many depts. take this into account when seeking a quicker termination in some cases than in others (such as neglect issues...dirty pampers all the time...etc.) If you really have been off crack for this long I say the more power to you - however - I suggest you identify now why you were able to get off drugs now and not before and identify things that might make you do it again. Perhaps doing this will prevent it from happening ever again.

tamm asked this follow-up question on 4/25/2000:

dear,sir. thank you for all your advice i will do all that you suggested right away, i do that none of my family members have had any contact with my son. myparents still live in the same place that they did at that time..i dont know if the fathers rights were terminated. i have not spoken to him or heard from him in many years... like i said i will start with a laywer, most likly a legal aid laywer. once agian thank you.......tammy

cpiblues gave this response on 4/26/2000:

In order to sound like you are really on the ball to these people - try and find out all that you can before you contact them. Find out if the Dad's rights were terminated - if possible - if not and he was interested you could get him to show some interest and that might allow you to get in easier. If he has never been noticed and they failed to actually notice him properly - slim chance - but you never know. Honestly - I believe a child should have a chance at stability but I also believe that a child should know his parents. There will come a day that this child will come to know what had happened and he will suffer. I think the pain will be lessened if he can recognize you as a "human" with regular faults that loves him just the same. It will help in his healing process as well as your own. Good luck to you and your family.

The average rating for this answer is 5.

tamm rated this answer a 5.