Anonymous asked this question on 4/26/2000:

Two months ago, my first boyfriend was hit by a train and killed (we don't know if it was suicide or not). My question is complicated. He hit me during our relationship and verbally abused me, as well. He threatened to kill himself if I ever left and two years afterward this "accident" occured. I have problems dealing with it as I feel partially to blame-if I only got him help, etc. Should I feel so guilty? His mother told me he never really got over me and never had a real girlfriend after me. Obviously I feel like it's my fault. It's probably ridiculous to feel this way but my question is:

How do I get over this and learn to deal with it?

ezcutt gave this response on 4/26/2000:

well, first of all let me say that i'm sorry to hear that. losing someone can be a very hard thing to deal with it, and when you add guilt, that makes it too painful to handle. i think that it was wrong the way he treated you when you were together and i'm sure you'll agree. but, that has nothing to do with the fact that he is now gone. the guilt you have, should only be sorrow for him. beating yourself up over this is not going to help him rest in peace nor is it going to help you at all. you say that you should have gotten him help, but you did. you left him and that pervented him form doing something real wrong, he could have really hurt you or even killed you, so you did do him justice by leaving him. after that, it was up to him to seek the help he needed. you can only help someone who really wants the help and wants to help themselves. therefore, mourn his lost, but let the guilt go, you did what you had to do. good luck with you facing the truth and god bless.

ez

The average rating for this answer is 4.9.

Anonymous rated this answer a 5.

Thanks- I really appreciate the empathy and especially your reasoning.