Anonymous asked this question on 4/25/2000:

MY MOTHER WROTE YOU YESTERDAY REGARDING MY NASTY DIVORCE IN NASHVILLE. I'M NOT SURE WHERE TO START AS FAR AS GETTING SOME JUSTICE. I HAVE FILED SEVEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COMPLAINTS AND HE HAS NOT EVER BEEN ARRESTED. HE WAS ACTUALLY LISTED AS THE VICTIM IN ONE BECAUSE I WAS SO ANGRY WHEN THE POLICE GOT THERE. I HAVE A VERY NICE ATTORNEY BUT I AM NOT SURE WHAT TO DO. THIS JUDGE IS SO VERY POWERFUL THAT WHATEVER IS DONE WILL BEAR GREAT REPERCUSSIONS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUGGESTIONS YESTERDAY. I AM FOLLOWING UP ON YOUR ADVICE NOW. I HAVE A MESSAGE IN TO MY ATTY TO SEE WHERE WE CAN GO FROM HERE. HER THEORY IS THAT I NEED TO WAIT IT OUT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I AM NOT AN EXPERT SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET HIM ARRESTED BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER BEEN BLEEDING OR BRUISED WHEN THE POLICE ARRIVE. HE WAS ACTUALLY TOLD BY AN OFFICER IN MY PRESENCE THAT UNLESS I WAS BLEEDING OR OBVIOUSLY BRUISED THEN HE WOULD NOT BE TAKEN TO JAIL. THIS HAS WORKED TO HIS ADVANTAGE ON THESE OCCASIONS. I WAS TOLD DIRECTLY BY THE JUDGE THAT IF I FEARED FOR MY LIFE, THEN I COULD LEAVE BUT THAT I BETTER NOT TAKE THE BABY. AND IF SHE FOUND OUT THAT I WENT AWAY FOR EVEN ONE NIGHT WITH HIM THEN SHE WOULD HOLD ME IN CONTEMPT AND PUT ME IN JAIL. SHE ALSO TOLD BOTH OF US TO ACT LIKE CIVILIZED ADULTS WHO WERE MARRIED AND GET ALONG OUR WE WOULD BOTH BE PLACED IN JAIL (IN THE SAME CELL). SHE THEN MADE US TOUR IT! SHE HAS TOLD US THAT THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING WITH US ARGUING ALL OF THE TIME THAT SHE IS LIKELY TO TAKE OUR CHILD FROM BOTH OF US. CAN SHE DO THIS? CAN SHE REMOVE A CHILD FROM HIS PARENTS (BOTH OR JUST ONE) BECAUSE THEY DON'T GET ALONG? JUST EXACTLY HOW ARE TWO MARRIED PEOPLE WHO HAVE FILED FOR DIVORCE AND ARE BEING MADE TO LIVE TOGETHER SUPPOSED TO GET ALONG? MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN GIVEN FALSE HOPE IN THIS SITUATION TOO. HE HAS COUNTERFILED FOR DIVORCE BUT FEELS (AND SAYS TO BE DAILY) THAT IF WE ARE FORCED TO REMAIN IN THE SAME HOUSE FOR THESE **NINE** MONTHS, THEN I WILL REALIZE THAT I DON'T REALLY WANT A DIVORCE AND WE WILL END UP STAYING TOGETHER. I AM JUST SO VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE TRIAL BECAUSE OF THE WAY THINGS HAVE BEEN HANDLED SO FAR. HIS ATTY EVEN FILED A MOTION TO BE REMOVED FROM OUR CASE AND WAS IT WAS GRANTED. HIS REASON WAS THAT HE COULD NOT GET ALONG WITH HIS CLIENT AND THE CLIENT HAD ACCUSED HIM OF MAKING AGREEMENTS WITH MY ATTY AGAINST HIS WISHES. DO YOU THINK THAT IT COULD POSSIBLY BE AS SIMPLY SOLVED AS GETTING A VICIOUS (MORE VICIOUS) ATTY?

lakers gave this response on 4/25/2000:

There are different types of attorneys - the ones that are aggressive and proactive in their cases, and the ones who are passive and want to play along to get along. An aggressive attorney is not necessarily rude, but very firm. They don't back down to judges like the one you describe. They are not intimidated by a black robe, remembering that judges are either elected or appointed due to political connections and not all are competent. A judge usually has to earn my respect and what you are describing sounds like a woman on a power trip. Your attorney is taking the placating path. If you want a different approach, you must tell your attorney that. If they don't want to do it, be sure and get specific reasons why. They may have valid reasons for their tactics.

The things I suggested to your mother are best- if this judge is putting you in the way of physical harm due to her orders, notify the media, the State Judicial Review Committee and domestic violence groups. The only way to change people like that is through political pressure and embarassment.

It is rare that a child is removed from parental custody. In your situation, it sounds like the physical abuse has been solely towards you and not your child. Judges can order anything, but it would probably never stand up on appeal.

I think the position you have been put in is untenable. I would get an immediate review of the order- it is absurd to have to live with an abuser!

Hope things work better for you- stay tough and don't be intimidated by the court system. You haven't done anything wrong, and you have the right to be treated fairly.

The average rating for this answer is 5.

Anonymous rated this answer a 5.