Anonymous asked this question on 4/20/2000:
My ex-husband refuses to let me get on with my life. He was emotionally abusive while we were married but became physically abusive after I left. He has seen Dr's and been an out patient a couple of times since we seperated but he still can not accept the fact that I left. He has threatened suicide a couple of times and has stalked, beaten, raped and taped me over the last year. I want his family to get involved and try to help him because I believe that he feels like no one loves him and by his family not getting involved it is just making him more desperate to try to keep me. He wants to be loved more than anything else I think that is why he won't let go. He thinks everyone he ever loved has left him so he thinks he can stop me. Do you know of any programs or ca you suggest what needs done?
Phoenixguy2000 gave this response on 4/23/2000:
Your ex-husband is suffering from extremely low self-esteem, is probably a loner-type individual, with few, if any, friends, and probably has problems dealing with other people in different situations. He seeks out attention by using his violence and making threatening statements, because he knows he cannot be the center of attention any other way. His family is probably well aware of his violent tendencies, and may just want to leave well enough alone and stay out of it. He sees your leaving him as a loss of his control, resulting in a slap to his masculine ego. You are in a very dangerous situation, as I would guess your ex-husband is very unpredictable in his behavior. You need to file for a restraining order immediately. Even though the order itself is just a piece of paper and may not keep him away from you, at least, if he violates that order you can have him arrested. This will offer you some degree of legal protection. I highly doubt he is suicidal, he uses this as a means to make you worry and keep you tied to him. However, if he continues to make threats of a dangerous nature (threatening to harm himself or others) you can go to your local mental health clinic and file petition paperwork for psychiatric evaluation, which means that the police will pick him up and take him in to be evaluated by a mental health clinician. If he should deny suicidal thoughts, or deny any thoughts of harming others, he may be released. But this is worth a try, and may be the start of getting him some help. However, your concern at this point should be for your own safety. Change your telephone number, install new locks on doors, and even move if you must. If you work, have your company to refuse putting his phone calls through to you. Let others know when you are feeling like you are in danger, and inform the police about the harrassment you are getting. There is little you can do to help him. Until he realizes he has a personality problem, chances are, things will stay the same. You are going to have to do what you can to protect yourself. I hope you will file an order of protection right away!
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