Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?

drkathy gave this response on 4/23/2000:

Because of the level of abuse you experienced, counseling is probably needed to help you sort it out. Check the local Mental Health Clinic, Crisis Center, Catholic or Jewish Charities (you don't have to be Catholic or Jewish to use them, but they're usually low cost). Perhaps a minister trained in these issues can help. Keep looking until you find a counselor that suits you. It's like shopping for clothes, it has to fit well.

"The Courage to Heal" was mentioned in another post and there is also a chapter in this book for spouses that is helpful. However, I usually recommend that people read this book while in therapy, because lots of feelings and memories from the past can come surging up when reading this book. It can be very disconcerting.

If you can't find therapy you can afford, maybe there's a support group.

You may not be ready for this, but, as for those who abused you, the statute of limitations never runs out. You can report them to the local authorites and they will be investigated. This is especially important if they are still abusing other children. If you di this, Consider asking that part of the requirement for the abuser be that he/she pay for your therapy - they could use therapy, too, but they probably won't go unless the law is involved. I know this is very hard for most survivors to do, so don't push yourself on this matter. But when you are ready, it's worth considering.

Best wishes for your health and happiness Kathy

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