Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:
Is it ever o.k. to have someone hit you? I know it is a stupid question but it's like I know certain things are going to piss my boyfriend off but sometimes I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want. I know that if I talk back or cuss at him that he might slap me in my mouth but sometimes I still do it.Does that make since? And the other stupid part is have the time I find myself saying sorry for him hitting me. I'm not stupid, actully I'm a straigt A college student. I even tell myself that I'm not going to do anything to piss him off but sometimes I still do. Don't tell me to get away from him, because I love him and I feel lonely without him but I just want him to treat me better. I want him to stop yelling at me, I don't like being scared of my boyfriend and I hate that almost everyone knows that he has hit me before. But I do not want to loss him. I don't think he would ever hurt me hurt me. Maybe scare me leave a couple of marks but not kill me. I know it sounds stupid but I really do believe it's true. They say you can't change those who don't want to be changed so what can I do to make it right?
drkathy gave this response on 4/23/2000:
No, it is not OK to hit you. No, you are not stupid.
He is responsible for his behavior and you are responsible for your's. Violence harms not only the victim, but the aggressor, as well. It harms your spirit and his, too. He can only change if he wants to; the same is for you. You will only leave if you want to.
Would he agree to some couple's counseling? If not, could you get some support for yourself.
Women often stay with abusive men because, "He needs me." Men are abusive because they have not learned better ways to express their anger. Counseling can be helpful to both.
Physical Abuse generally does escalate over the years, if this happens for you, it places you in more danger and you will have to judge the consequences of staying in the relationship.
Are there children in the home? It is important to know that domestic violence harms children emotionally, as well. It is a model that does not help them to grow up into healthy human beings.
I hope things work out for you. Kathy
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