Anonymous asked this question on 4/20/2000:

My ex-husband refuses to let me get on with my life. He was emotionally abusive while we were married but became physically abusive after I left. He has seen Dr's and been an out patient a couple of times since we seperated but he still can not accept the fact that I left. He has threatened suicide a couple of times and has stalked, beaten, raped and taped me over the last year. I want his family to get involved and try to help him because I believe that he feels like no one loves him and by his family not getting involved it is just making him more desperate to try to keep me. He wants to be loved more than anything else I think that is why he won't let go. He thinks everyone he ever loved has left him so he thinks he can stop me. Do you know of any programs or ca you suggest what needs done?

drkathy gave this response on 4/23/2000:

You've had a lot of good answers. The only thing I can add is to reinforce some of the ideas: 1. For some abusive men, they are the most dangerous when the spoiuse leaves. Make sure you are safe. Have an escape plan if he corners you. Make sure those around you know of the situation and can get help to you quickly if you need it. 2. Some women, if they can afford it, have gotten body guards. 3. Shelters with counseling can help you be safe and make a plan. 4. If he violates the law, file charges, this may lead to court ordered counseling, which is the only way he will attend or jail, which is sometimes what it takes for a man like this to "wake up." This man will not stop on his own. It will take the law to help protect you. 5. Give yourself lots of credit for leaving. Many women are not able to do this. Remember that you are very strong and have lots of courage. 6. Get counseling and support for yourself. Good luck. Be SAFE!!! Kathy

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