Anonymous asked this question on 4/20/2000:

My ex-husband refuses to let me get on with my life. He was emotionally abusive while we were married but became physically abusive after I left. He has seen Dr's and been an out patient a couple of times since we seperated but he still can not accept the fact that I left. He has threatened suicide a couple of times and has stalked, beaten, raped and taped me over the last year. I want his family to get involved and try to help him because I believe that he feels like no one loves him and by his family not getting involved it is just making him more desperate to try to keep me. He wants to be loved more than anything else I think that is why he won't let go. He thinks everyone he ever loved has left him so he thinks he can stop me. Do you know of any programs or ca you suggest what needs done?

sharpurcell gave this response on 4/22/2000:

I don't mean to sound harsh but you need to stay away from this man unless you are in a counselors office or a public place with him. This man does not want to be loved, he is telling you these things to make you feel sorry for him and guilty for leaving him. If he commits suicide, he very well may take you with him. That is not love. Love does not hurt and it does not make you afraid. A man who loves you would never rape you, stalk you or lay a hand on you in anger. I know this is very hard on you because you no doubt have feelings for him, he knows this too and he will play on that as much as you allow him to. NONE of this is your fault. I repeat, NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. The reason that his family will not become involved is more than likely due to the fact that they have become involved in the past and it hasn't done any good so now they have given up so that he does not cause them any more grief. You need to do the same thing. You are in danger, more so every day and I am afraid for you. He needs help very badly but you are not the one to do it. The smartest thing that you have done is to divorce him, now you need to sever any ties you have to him. Talk to him on the phone or in a doctors office and tell him that while you are very sorry for the way he feels, that you cannot live your life this way any longer. Let him know that you will help him if you can but that the tough part is up to him. He needs to be inpatient, very badly. This is quite severe, and please, please listen to me, do not meet him alone for any reason. He may cry, beg and plead and tell you he needs you, or needs to see you and talk to you but please do not go. Tell him you will talk to him once a day on the phone as long as he is actively seeking help. If he drops out of his program, don't talk to him. I hope you live in a secure building, or that you have some sort of protection. I don't mean to sound strong but I don't want you to be hurt any more. Please let me know what happens to you and if I can offer you any more advice I will. I will be thinking about you.

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