Anonymous asked this question on 4/15/2000:

As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?, As a child from ages 4 to 6 I can remember my grandfather crawling on me and from there I've blocked it out. I guss I'm afraid of remembering what he actually did to me. I was almost raped by a family friend at 9 years old. When I was around 7 or 8 years old my aunt made me have sex with her. When I was 11 years old my uncle fondled me, made me take baths with him, made me drink liquor, made me look at playboy magazines, and he wanted to take pictures of me nude. He would take me riding with him and his friends. I wouldn't remember any thing till the next morning at home in my bed. I didn't tell any one is because back in those days noone would have believed me. I totally respected these people and looked up to them like they were my second parents. I'm now 35 years old and I'm not sure who I am anymore. My husband and I can't get along to well anymore because I want come to his every beckon call. My attitude toward men now is just that an attitude. My husband knows about all this but doesn't think it should affect my life now. I've tried counseling. They didn't seem to help me. I can't afford a counselor because of their outragous fees. What makes me so mad is now when I see one of them eveyting is okand should be forgotten. How should I try to get my life back together? I think if I get some of this sorted out my life with my family will get back to normal. Can you help? What would you suggest I do?

sharpurcell gave this response on 4/22/2000:

I too was molested by several people at various stages of my life and it is a very difficult feeling to overcome, I wish that your husband was more understanding. I was molested in a foster home from the time I was 11 until I left there at 15. I had nightmares where I was in a field, running from my abuser but my feet wouldn't move. When I was about 24, I went back to visit these people and I got the man alone out in the barn and he wouldn't go anywhere near me. I wasn't a helpless child anymore and I'd kick his old butt and he knew it. I faced my fear by being alone with him. I have been fine ever since as far as the nightmares go but I still have emotional problems and I am 34. People act as though nothing happened because they don't want to face what they have done and the easiest way out for them is to just ignore it and cover it up. I call it burying their heads in the sand, but they aren't affected by these things the way you are because YOU were their victim, not the other way around. You did NOTHING to deserve this and they are just very bad people. I wouldn't even try to get back in touch with them and I hope to God that you don't let your children around any of them. If they did it to you when you were a child, you can bet that they did it to someone else and that they would more than likely do it again. As far as counselors go, don't they have any place in your town where they go on a sliding fee scale? Or maybe a group that meets once a week or so? If that doesn't work, keep coming to this site and talking to other people who share your pain and maybe just talking to them will help you feel a little better. Try to talk to your husband and tell him how badly you feel inside, maybe he doesn't understand because he's never experienced this. My husband doesn't really understand it either. There are certain ways I don't like to be touched, or when someone gets too close to me, I tend to feel very uncomfortable, I imagine you feel these things also. I understand this, and I will help you as much as I can. Let me know about the groups, etc. in your area. Keep on reminding yourself that you did NOTHING wrong, and try to work on bringing your self esteem up, you don't need these people in your life anymore at all. Just because your related to someone doesn't make them family, it's the people who care about you that are your true family. God bless you.

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