Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:

Is it ever o.k. to have someone hit you? I know it is a stupid question but it's like I know certain things are going to piss my boyfriend off but sometimes I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want. I know that if I talk back or cuss at him that he might slap me in my mouth but sometimes I still do it.Does that make since? And the other stupid part is have the time I find myself saying sorry for him hitting me. I'm not stupid, actully I'm a straigt A college student. I even tell myself that I'm not going to do anything to piss him off but sometimes I still do. Don't tell me to get away from him, because I love him and I feel lonely without him but I just want him to treat me better. I want him to stop yelling at me, I don't like being scared of my boyfriend and I hate that almost everyone knows that he has hit me before. But I do not want to loss him. I don't think he would ever hurt me hurt me. Maybe scare me leave a couple of marks but not kill me. I know it sounds stupid but I really do believe it's true. They say you can't change those who don't want to be changed so what can I do to make it right?

sharpurcell gave this response on 4/22/2000:

I am not going to lecture you or tell you to get away from him because I understand the lonely feelings you have without him. No, it is not okay for someone to slap you in the mouth for saying things that they don't like. Does your boyfriend admit that he has an anger problem? Is he open to seeking help from a counselor? I imagine that emotionally he tends to be closed off and then you try to piss him off to get him to show some type of emotion towards you, am I right? If you can get a reaction out of him, at least he's showing some type of feelings. Maybe right now all he does is slap you, but in time he will start to hurt you worse. Believe me, I have been there. Not every abusive man ends up killing us but they will end up hurting us, maybe even worse than they intended to. When he starts to become angry with you, tell him that you do not want to fight, and stay calm. Try to talk to him in a quiet voice and be reasonable. I'm not saying for you to kiss his ass, that doesn't work either but don't do anything just to try to get him going. What makes him hit you? After he does it, does he cry and say he's sorry and that he'll never do it again? Or does he just act like nothing happened? How old are the two of you and how long have you been together? It is never right for someone to hit you, and hopefully your boyfriend will realize this sooner, rather than later. Please let me know what happens, and answer my questions, then I'll try to help you further. Be safe, and careful.

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