Anonymous asked this question on 4/20/2000:
My ex-husband refuses to let me get on with my life. He was emotionally abusive while we were married but became physically abusive after I left. He has seen Dr's and been an out patient a couple of times since we seperated but he still can not accept the fact that I left. He has threatened suicide a couple of times and has stalked, beaten, raped and taped me over the last year. I want his family to get involved and try to help him because I believe that he feels like no one loves him and by his family not getting involved it is just making him more desperate to try to keep me. He wants to be loved more than anything else I think that is why he won't let go. He thinks everyone he ever loved has left him so he thinks he can stop me. Do you know of any programs or ca you suggest what needs done?
nunjabiz gave this response on 4/22/2000:
I coordinate a program for men who are batterers. This is a domestic violence program. What I am hearing is he has been trying to control you and your life since you were married. When he thinks he is losing control of you, or anyone he wants control of, he uses any means to get you or them back. this is typical of men who have abuse issues. It all focuses on power and control. Unless he thinks he has a problem and wants to get help, he wont change. Batterers cant change on their own. This is a very lengthy period for someone to acknowledge and change his values and beliefs. And if he is not ready or willing to do that, his family's influence will not help or could make the situation even worse. My advice to you is to avoid as much contact as you can. Have you obtained a Protection From Abuse Order? Have you contacted your local domestic violence programs, ie: shelter, legal services, etc. who might be able to help or assist you in your area? Those resources are a great place to start. If you have any more questions or concerns, please feel free in sending me a response back, and i will assist you further. Good luck!
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