Anonymous asked this question on 4/20/2000:

My ex-husband refuses to let me get on with my life. He was emotionally abusive while we were married but became physically abusive after I left. He has seen Dr's and been an out patient a couple of times since we seperated but he still can not accept the fact that I left. He has threatened suicide a couple of times and has stalked, beaten, raped and taped me over the last year. I want his family to get involved and try to help him because I believe that he feels like no one loves him and by his family not getting involved it is just making him more desperate to try to keep me. He wants to be loved more than anything else I think that is why he won't let go. He thinks everyone he ever loved has left him so he thinks he can stop me. Do you know of any programs or ca you suggest what needs done?

debbie34 gave this response on 4/21/2000:

Hello,

Now is when it gets really hard, Now is when you have to pull all of your stored energy and fight back my dear!! Round 1 was when you took the abuse, round 2 was when you desided to leave him, now is round 3, and from my own personal view this is one of the hardest to deal with. You made a VERY wise choice and im sure a hard one. Now that you took that step you need to get a restaining order against him, not just for your self but for him also. So he knows you mean business, most men at this stage think that this is when they have to come running after you because its what YOU really want, BUT most of them dont realize is that it takes a long time for a women to get to the point that you are at now and once you get there, there isnt much hope of you going back to them. because in our minds that is final! but it is very very hard for them to realize that, and iyt dont just hurt them it hurts us also because we start thinking if we really made the right choice of leaving, YES YOU DID!!! i am so very proud of you for doing that, there is alot of women out there that dont have that kind of streaght! that just goes to show you that you are stronger then yoou think, { AND PLEASE ALWAYS KEEP THAT IN MIND} because things will get harder before they get better.

Another thing is...... is there someplace you can go away from there even if for a little while? A friends, family, womens shelter? if so that will be your best bet for now, that will help you by gaining more streaght and let you clear your head some.... also at the same time it will help him......{you know that "out of sight out of mind"}its kinda like that but there is no way hes going to get you out of his mind but if your not around he cant wont keep using his energy on you and hopefully get the help he needs for him self. If his family caress for him they will be there for him..... its not your job anymore! you deserve to live your life with out abuse, you have a long road ahead of you your self..you need to get your own life straighten out and move on to better things!

To sum this all up for you get a straining order, leave town for a while {if possiable} or go into a womens shelter for awhile, WORK ON GETTING YOUR LIFE TOGETHER AND DONT WORRY ABOUT HIS!!! He has to take respounciblity for his own life, I wish you all the luck in the world!! KEEP STRONG!!! and God Bless, Please feel free to write me any time :-)

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