Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:

Is it ever o.k. to have someone hit you? I know it is a stupid question but it's like I know certain things are going to piss my boyfriend off but sometimes I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want. I know that if I talk back or cuss at him that he might slap me in my mouth but sometimes I still do it.Does that make since? And the other stupid part is have the time I find myself saying sorry for him hitting me. I'm not stupid, actully I'm a straigt A college student. I even tell myself that I'm not going to do anything to piss him off but sometimes I still do. Don't tell me to get away from him, because I love him and I feel lonely without him but I just want him to treat me better. I want him to stop yelling at me, I don't like being scared of my boyfriend and I hate that almost everyone knows that he has hit me before. But I do not want to loss him. I don't think he would ever hurt me hurt me. Maybe scare me leave a couple of marks but not kill me. I know it sounds stupid but I really do believe it's true. They say you can't change those who don't want to be changed so what can I do to make it right?

snowbird gave this response on 4/20/2000:

I know that this is not what you want to hear, but you already know the answer to your situation and that is to leave.

Once the hitting starts, it won't end, no matter how hard you try to change.

I feel that the feelings you have for him are the normal feelings of someone who is being abused. The victim will always blame themselves and stick up for the abuser. However, it never helps to be a victim and it can change your life forever if you don't get out from under.

My wife was a victim for most of her life and it has changed her perspective on everything she does, even though he has been away from it for 15 years. My step son was abused for his first eight years of life and, 15 years later, he is still suffering from the effects. My grandson was abused when he was 3 by his mother's boyfriend. Now, 10 years later, he is still in a state of trauma.

So, you see, the after effects of abuse can take a long time to recover from and the sooner you start the better off you will be.

If you have any further questions and/or comments, please to contact me at any time.

Blessings in all that you do.

Paul

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